Horror of horrors! I can't remember what made me do it. I searched for my userid and found all the information (about me) which I would like to keep as private, available for all to see on the search engine!!! CREEPY!!
Thankfully most of them are from deviant art, and the rest are nothing that would reveal too much about me. Nope, please don't try. I rather you don't.
I'm actually at work now but too depress to do any actual work. I think I've ran out of luck. I've been surviving on my good fortunes all these years and things have always worked out nicely for me one way or another. Recent years have been tough for me as obsticles just didn't resolve as quickly as I expected.
When I related my most recent encounter to co-workers, they all said that fellow doesn't like my face. I'm troubled because I have to face it now that I just have a face that makes people want to hate me. I'm not those sweety, cutesy kind that would make people forget the hateful face. So that doesn't help. It's not me anyway. So even if i do try to be that, it wears me down physically. I do fall sick from the strain of keeping up that look.
The only solution is for it to be internalised. That is hard. I think I need time off from work to reflect and start to see/lead life differently. Meanwhile, I'm thankful I've wonderful co-workers who makes life at work interesting.
Yes, I'm starting to worry about being single for the rest of my life. I'm still pretty sure I'm better off without a partner but yet I wish to have one. Then, I'm soon reaching an age where I would not qualify for SDU/SDS events anymore. I'm going to start trying that place out. I seriously don't like going for events where the main purpose is matchmaking. It's irritating, but I have to open up my world to get to know more guys if I wish for a change.
By the way, I don't know if you remember but I said that I would only try those events if i quit a certain habit of mine. Well, its been one and half months. I'm glad I've survived and I'm proud of myself. There have been times when it's been hard, but certain thoughts kept it in check. I mentioned it in my deviant art journal.
Also, I will write more in my deviant art account than here.
