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After various changes and all, i've decided not to go Genting with sandra and her guy friend. I'm simply not comfortable with that fellow. Need to pick him up and all. So troublesome and later in the trip got more requests how? so better not lah. I will be able to enjoy my trip more if i go myself or even with my mom.
Like i mentioned before, my main enjoyment of the trip to genting (thus the multiple journey up north) is because of the drive along the north south highway. I think i will be happiest driving up by myself, with nobody to entertain. With james, i could do that. Think only other people i can do that with are uncle and my mom. So since the whole objective of it is to make-up for the missed malaysia holiday back in june, i will do anything to ensure that i truely ENJOY it.
So for now, 3 options:
1) Travel with mom
2) Travel myself
3) Don't go at all (watch NDP lor..)
I'm seriously interested in option 2, but since my mom know about the trip now, i might not even have that option at all.
So pending still...
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
I Saved A Man Today
Or if you are one of those who like to see that your cup is half empty, I nearly KILLED a man today.
It all depends on your point of view of the event that happened today. Well, it goes like this...
It's one of those rare times I actually can't be bothered to race along the right-most lane on the expressway. I was too early for my appointment to meet Carolyn, so I idled along the middle lane at turtle-speed on the CTE towards the town.
Just as I was about to move off from the stand-still traffic, I sensed that something wasn't right from the corner of my eye. I actually stopped my car totally. Oh My Goodness! A motor-cyclist lost control of his bike on my right. Luckily I had stopped the car even before he fell down and ended up in front of my car. I had expected something to happen before it did. I didn't give a damn that i'm blocking the whole bloody expressway up.
Thank God for that! Cause i saved his life today! If it had be any idiotic, inexperienced, blind driver, he would have been rolled over by a car. Thank God. Both from saving me from a complicated situation had i rolled over him.
Thank God i was given the pre-sight so that i would stop and also protected him from other vehicles (cause i blocked the way, no other vehicles can hit him without hitting my car first).
I did freak out for a moment thinking that people might think i was the one who caused the incident. Which was why i hesitated to help him up from the ground. Thankfully, the motor-cyclist realised how i saved his life and kept raising his hand to show me thanks/sorry whichever.
It all depends on your point of view of the event that happened today. Well, it goes like this...
It's one of those rare times I actually can't be bothered to race along the right-most lane on the expressway. I was too early for my appointment to meet Carolyn, so I idled along the middle lane at turtle-speed on the CTE towards the town.
Just as I was about to move off from the stand-still traffic, I sensed that something wasn't right from the corner of my eye. I actually stopped my car totally. Oh My Goodness! A motor-cyclist lost control of his bike on my right. Luckily I had stopped the car even before he fell down and ended up in front of my car. I had expected something to happen before it did. I didn't give a damn that i'm blocking the whole bloody expressway up.
Thank God for that! Cause i saved his life today! If it had be any idiotic, inexperienced, blind driver, he would have been rolled over by a car. Thank God. Both from saving me from a complicated situation had i rolled over him.
Thank God i was given the pre-sight so that i would stop and also protected him from other vehicles (cause i blocked the way, no other vehicles can hit him without hitting my car first).
I did freak out for a moment thinking that people might think i was the one who caused the incident. Which was why i hesitated to help him up from the ground. Thankfully, the motor-cyclist realised how i saved his life and kept raising his hand to show me thanks/sorry whichever.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I've managed...
...to live a few days without the driving. I managed to survive at home doing my own things. It's more or less a little back to normal for me. Reminds me of how i was like back when i was happily single after hugh, also after Him (the first time). It's a little like a peaceful, comfortable lifestyle.
I can officially say that i'm out of that mode i talked about, that he's-out-of-the-country mode. I'm not spending any unneccessary money (though not by choice, i'm broke). I'm enjoying reading at home and watching television programmes without feeling like i need to get out. Now the driving is more of a leisure drive, not so much of the i-want-to-get-it-out-of-my-system drive.
Guess the talk with my mom worked. Also a short sms by uncle about finances is a reminder to me too. Life is pretty much back to normal. Except for the inability to be work hard. I'm still pretty lagging in handing in work. I'm still trying to reach that momentum i had back when i was contented in my love life thus able to concentrate on work.
Call me whatever you want, i'm just thankful i'm still able to bring myself to work. I quit my job a short while after i broke up with Lester, my first love. And even gone through a lot of insignificant jobs. So it's a great deal.
I can officially say that i'm out of that mode i talked about, that he's-out-of-the-country mode. I'm not spending any unneccessary money (though not by choice, i'm broke). I'm enjoying reading at home and watching television programmes without feeling like i need to get out. Now the driving is more of a leisure drive, not so much of the i-want-to-get-it-out-of-my-system drive.
Guess the talk with my mom worked. Also a short sms by uncle about finances is a reminder to me too. Life is pretty much back to normal. Except for the inability to be work hard. I'm still pretty lagging in handing in work. I'm still trying to reach that momentum i had back when i was contented in my love life thus able to concentrate on work.
Call me whatever you want, i'm just thankful i'm still able to bring myself to work. I quit my job a short while after i broke up with Lester, my first love. And even gone through a lot of insignificant jobs. So it's a great deal.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Self Explainatory Sharing
Since i've been uploading my activities on my photo blog, i'm not going to say much about the events as looking at the photos is enough for you to get an idea what happened and where..etc.
The last time i talked to my mother about things was when i saw him on the bike at tampines. Since then i've not been able to face anybody or my parents. The more depressed i felt i less i could share with anybody. Happiness brought on a bout of saddness. To the point that i couldn't take it no more and there's no way of dealing with it. I finally confided everything to my mother yesterday morning just as i was able to get ready to meet uncle.
The talk with my mom gave me a little peace. She managed to get to the core of things. Dug straight to the point that hurt the most and that needed some airing. When i mentioned about how i don't dare to do things to make myself happy as i get even more sad after that, i started to tear. When i mentioned how he managed to overtake my grandpa's place in my heart, i lost control of my emotion and had to pause to recollect myself.
But all of that discussion made me feel so much better. My heart and mind was finally peaceful for that day. My mom gave me hope when i thought everything was hopeless and life was rather hopeless. What would i do without her? I guess in a way, i'm kinda dependent person because there's always somenoe. I think God knows that i need someone and won't be able to survive by my own means that's why i have such a mom. Thankful indeed.
The last time i talked to my mother about things was when i saw him on the bike at tampines. Since then i've not been able to face anybody or my parents. The more depressed i felt i less i could share with anybody. Happiness brought on a bout of saddness. To the point that i couldn't take it no more and there's no way of dealing with it. I finally confided everything to my mother yesterday morning just as i was able to get ready to meet uncle.
The talk with my mom gave me a little peace. She managed to get to the core of things. Dug straight to the point that hurt the most and that needed some airing. When i mentioned about how i don't dare to do things to make myself happy as i get even more sad after that, i started to tear. When i mentioned how he managed to overtake my grandpa's place in my heart, i lost control of my emotion and had to pause to recollect myself.
But all of that discussion made me feel so much better. My heart and mind was finally peaceful for that day. My mom gave me hope when i thought everything was hopeless and life was rather hopeless. What would i do without her? I guess in a way, i'm kinda dependent person because there's always somenoe. I think God knows that i need someone and won't be able to survive by my own means that's why i have such a mom. Thankful indeed.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Another Significant Point
I've kinda reached another significant point in my life. My own realisation about things. About how hard it is to find people i can click with, let alone about a bf. I've changed a little over this period of time. I've harden my heart a little and i've been less modest, more assertive about things. Simply cause i don't give a damn and i've got nothing to loose. Like i said before my skin has thicken a little. Being single somehow gave me a lot more confidence about things.
I've been reminded many times how i'm not young anymore. Also i'm not that "marketable" anymore in the dating scene. I've always been self-centred and now realised that i'm not that great lah. So that made me realised that i'm need help in that area.
I'm now more sure than ever that i needed to focus on something of more substance than just finding a mate. Even though that's the biggest hobby/interest of mine right now, i know that it's not good enough. I've thought about it and i honestly don't wish to die right now. So i need to do somethings to make life more worthy and colourful than it is right now.
Alot of times i'm still craving for his companionship. Like i said, no other can match that. But i know that since there's nothing i can change i will just have to accept it and get on with my life. Now it's not a matter of handling it. I've been trying everytime, whenever the feeling arises, to face it. Forced myself and though i'm not able to grieve about it, at least i'm facing it now. That's all thanks to pat's advice.
I've been reminded many times how i'm not young anymore. Also i'm not that "marketable" anymore in the dating scene. I've always been self-centred and now realised that i'm not that great lah. So that made me realised that i'm need help in that area.
I'm now more sure than ever that i needed to focus on something of more substance than just finding a mate. Even though that's the biggest hobby/interest of mine right now, i know that it's not good enough. I've thought about it and i honestly don't wish to die right now. So i need to do somethings to make life more worthy and colourful than it is right now.
Alot of times i'm still craving for his companionship. Like i said, no other can match that. But i know that since there's nothing i can change i will just have to accept it and get on with my life. Now it's not a matter of handling it. I've been trying everytime, whenever the feeling arises, to face it. Forced myself and though i'm not able to grieve about it, at least i'm facing it now. That's all thanks to pat's advice.
Friday, July 20, 2007
FACE IT
I've tried like mad to remind myself that it's over! But everytime that feeling would stop and my mind starts to wander away. it doesn't want to face reality! I gave myself time to grief over it today. Purposely put aside time for that. I had to try like mad to tell myself this. FACE IT! It's OVER! No more! He won't ever come back! He's never coming back! I'm not waiting for him to come back to singapore! He's in singapore and he's not ever seeing me again!
And i would fail. It's so hard to get it. So hard til i've no chance to cry over it. I'm really really in trouble.
And i would fail. It's so hard to get it. So hard til i've no chance to cry over it. I'm really really in trouble.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
BMW Day
Haha...my sister's bf finally got his new bmw320. So i've asked to drive the old BMW318 lah. Wah! Shiok ah! As good as the Honda Civic1.8 leh! So wanna take over their old car ah. But then hor installment $1000/month leh! Cannot lah! Can die! So sian lor..only can drive for a day.
i've got to drive both the BMs leh! Each has got it's own advantages lor. 320 very powerful lah gently touch the pedal hor FLY liao! But hor the transition of gears of the 318 smoother lah. Maybe also because the 318 lowered suspension hor feels good to drive lah. So once the 320 gets modified hor, will be as good.
So fun! 2 BMWs driving together! Drove all the way to town, then to west coast park then back again.. Happy gal. Made my day.. Cause i was actually feeling very down then got to drive liao happy liao... Plus i've asked my sister to arrange one day let me drive! Wah CAN LEH! Heee... so i'm gonna swoop car with her for a day.. well after all the modifications are done anyway..
But it's so tempting! Feel like take over the car lah. Same price as the new Honda Civic1.8. So sister said if want might as well get the civic cause at least it's new mah. Idea too lah. So for now aiming Civic lah.. wait til i kenna 4D or Jackpot at Genting! hee..
Too bad i didn't have the chance to take a photo of myself driving it...else hhee...e. memory lah
i've got to drive both the BMs leh! Each has got it's own advantages lor. 320 very powerful lah gently touch the pedal hor FLY liao! But hor the transition of gears of the 318 smoother lah. Maybe also because the 318 lowered suspension hor feels good to drive lah. So once the 320 gets modified hor, will be as good.
So fun! 2 BMWs driving together! Drove all the way to town, then to west coast park then back again.. Happy gal. Made my day.. Cause i was actually feeling very down then got to drive liao happy liao... Plus i've asked my sister to arrange one day let me drive! Wah CAN LEH! Heee... so i'm gonna swoop car with her for a day.. well after all the modifications are done anyway..
But it's so tempting! Feel like take over the car lah. Same price as the new Honda Civic1.8. So sister said if want might as well get the civic cause at least it's new mah. Idea too lah. So for now aiming Civic lah.. wait til i kenna 4D or Jackpot at Genting! hee..
Too bad i didn't have the chance to take a photo of myself driving it...else hhee...e. memory lah
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Ambulance..Grandpa..No More
I suddenly recalled how i mentioned to dor (infact a few times before) that i will always get emotional whenever i see an ambulance, especially when it's siren is on. My grandpa had a heart attack and we called for an ambulance. The ambulance took a long time to arrive almost 20minutes i think. I was really pissed that time (primary 5 then). Heartattack victims need to be attended to within a short period of time to up their survivor rate. So my grandpa died a few days later. I would never forget not being able to see him and we received a call in the middle of the night and i just knew he had died. i was too young to enter the ICU in Changi Hospital so i didn't get to see him for the last time.
My grandpa was the only person who loved me the most and protected me whenever i got misunderstood and in trouble. He shielded me from my mother and other aunties everytime. I loved him very much too because i know he's always on my side regardless of anything. Thus after all these years, he's always at the top of my most loved list. (btw the 2nd place is for my 1st hamster 'boyboy' - forever in my heart and never forgotten) That is also why i always teared whenever an ambulance passes by.
However i've noticed that recently i've not been like that. And i've seen a lot of ambulances with their sirens wailing away passed by me. So i finally figured out why today. It's because someone else has replaced my grandpa on my list. That person is James. I've mentioned before to him about my grandpa and how nobody can take his place. He has finally done it by pampering me so much and so giving towards me. He has surpast all the sacrifies my grandpa made. Thus earning a place above my grandpa.
That may be another reason why i'm taking such a long time to get over it. If it takes years for me to get over my grandpa, i think i will takes many more years to get over him too. That is until someone else replaces it.
My grandpa was the only person who loved me the most and protected me whenever i got misunderstood and in trouble. He shielded me from my mother and other aunties everytime. I loved him very much too because i know he's always on my side regardless of anything. Thus after all these years, he's always at the top of my most loved list. (btw the 2nd place is for my 1st hamster 'boyboy' - forever in my heart and never forgotten) That is also why i always teared whenever an ambulance passes by.
However i've noticed that recently i've not been like that. And i've seen a lot of ambulances with their sirens wailing away passed by me. So i finally figured out why today. It's because someone else has replaced my grandpa on my list. That person is James. I've mentioned before to him about my grandpa and how nobody can take his place. He has finally done it by pampering me so much and so giving towards me. He has surpast all the sacrifies my grandpa made. Thus earning a place above my grandpa.
That may be another reason why i'm taking such a long time to get over it. If it takes years for me to get over my grandpa, i think i will takes many more years to get over him too. That is until someone else replaces it.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Shape Run 2007 - CLOSED Registration
haha.. just happened to click on the link and found out they're full house already.
So, very sorry friends who are interested. Cannot run with you liao.
Anyway, I've been running my sgn garden route again. So guess that makes up my training for the event. Accidental training.
So, very sorry friends who are interested. Cannot run with you liao.
Anyway, I've been running my sgn garden route again. So guess that makes up my training for the event. Accidental training.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!
Another driving trip now that my car is finally back. I was just craving for it so much since yesterday. I got into such a bad depression that's why the off-track jog yesterday. This time i drove for more than 2 hours non-stop. Went onto PIE towards changi airport, ECP, the road behind Changi Airport again, headed towards East Coast Park, Marina South, Telok Blangah towards Pioneer Road, Jurong, PIE and finally stopped at Mustaffa. The reason i stopped? No where to drive liao and i've not had enough and i needed people around me. Also needed to buy beer. Only to find that muslim shopping mall no beer lah.
I miss him so much so much. I drove past West Coast Park where we went for Ah Hua's BD BBQ celebration. Teared when i recalled the wonderful memories with him. Drove past his rental place in Jurong and teared again remembering how i used to drive all the way there to meet him and fetch him back & fro from to his hougang home. Went to our regular shopping place, Mustaffa, which was the only place open at night as i've things to do every weekday past 9pm.
I couldn't help recalling how he proposed to me in Feburuary when he came back from his first Penang project. He bought me so many things and finally the ring. I couldn't help recall he just bought me a pair of shoes that i wanted from Penang in April. I also couldn't help recall how he cried when i threatened to leave him that morning when he was about to leave for Penang in May. That was also the LAST time i saw him... EVER again....
He was so sad and couldn't bear me to leave. He cried so sadly, so heart-broken. A man actually cried with such pain in his eyes, so much pain. Men don't cry and he does not, yet he cried so badly. It must mean something right? This is the worst i've seen him cried. He couldn't bear to let go of me. He showed me that day how much i mean to him, how important i am to him. He gave me so assurance that day. I decided to give in and accept that he really love me so much. He's for real and that's he's here for the long run. Yet how did it all ended up this way? WHY?? I still can't comprehend. I still can't accept it. I'm so so so so .... SO HURT.
I wanted so much to ask him. I really really want to find out why. I really really want to know how do you go from loving a person so much to wanting to get rid of a person. How do you do that to a person? What made you do that to a person you love? How do you switch so quickly? Why is it like that?? WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? It HURTS so much so much. I can't take it. I really can't take it. I want him back. Yet i know it's all gone and it's hopeless. There's no point.
Last Saturday, I thought i saw him going into 7-11 at hougang. I wanted so much to see if it's really him. Yet i just know somehow there's no point. What can i do? What can i say? NOTHING! Then what's the point in finding out? No point. Yet its so hurting. There's nothing, nothing i can do about it. I'm hurt beyond hurt. I've cried til i've no tears. I'm so frustrated and i just want to die. There's simply no point in living anymore. No point. My heart is so broken. Broken into so many pieces that i don't know how to pick it up again.
Nobody can replace him. Nobody can ever live up to him. Nobody can ever do all the things that he's done. Nobody can ever understand and comfort me like he did. Nobody can ever give me the joy i experienced when i was with him. Nobody can ever, ever make me as happy as i was with him. Nobody can ever love me as much as he did.
Money can't comfort me. Money can't buy me happiness. I've bought all the things i need and all the things that i don't need. Yet it didn't make me happy at all. I can imagine myself buying the Honda Civic and yet feel no happiness at all. I can imagine myself buying a dog and yet i will not be happy. I can go out with friends and do all the wild things again. Yet i know i will not be happy. Infact all those things will make me even more sad. Sad that he's not here to experience it with me. Sad that no matter what i do, there's no happiness if he's not here with me.
I miss him so much so much. I drove past West Coast Park where we went for Ah Hua's BD BBQ celebration. Teared when i recalled the wonderful memories with him. Drove past his rental place in Jurong and teared again remembering how i used to drive all the way there to meet him and fetch him back & fro from to his hougang home. Went to our regular shopping place, Mustaffa, which was the only place open at night as i've things to do every weekday past 9pm.
I couldn't help recalling how he proposed to me in Feburuary when he came back from his first Penang project. He bought me so many things and finally the ring. I couldn't help recall he just bought me a pair of shoes that i wanted from Penang in April. I also couldn't help recall how he cried when i threatened to leave him that morning when he was about to leave for Penang in May. That was also the LAST time i saw him... EVER again....
He was so sad and couldn't bear me to leave. He cried so sadly, so heart-broken. A man actually cried with such pain in his eyes, so much pain. Men don't cry and he does not, yet he cried so badly. It must mean something right? This is the worst i've seen him cried. He couldn't bear to let go of me. He showed me that day how much i mean to him, how important i am to him. He gave me so assurance that day. I decided to give in and accept that he really love me so much. He's for real and that's he's here for the long run. Yet how did it all ended up this way? WHY?? I still can't comprehend. I still can't accept it. I'm so so so so .... SO HURT.
I wanted so much to ask him. I really really want to find out why. I really really want to know how do you go from loving a person so much to wanting to get rid of a person. How do you do that to a person? What made you do that to a person you love? How do you switch so quickly? Why is it like that?? WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? It HURTS so much so much. I can't take it. I really can't take it. I want him back. Yet i know it's all gone and it's hopeless. There's no point.
Last Saturday, I thought i saw him going into 7-11 at hougang. I wanted so much to see if it's really him. Yet i just know somehow there's no point. What can i do? What can i say? NOTHING! Then what's the point in finding out? No point. Yet its so hurting. There's nothing, nothing i can do about it. I'm hurt beyond hurt. I've cried til i've no tears. I'm so frustrated and i just want to die. There's simply no point in living anymore. No point. My heart is so broken. Broken into so many pieces that i don't know how to pick it up again.
Nobody can replace him. Nobody can ever live up to him. Nobody can ever do all the things that he's done. Nobody can ever understand and comfort me like he did. Nobody can ever give me the joy i experienced when i was with him. Nobody can ever, ever make me as happy as i was with him. Nobody can ever love me as much as he did.
Money can't comfort me. Money can't buy me happiness. I've bought all the things i need and all the things that i don't need. Yet it didn't make me happy at all. I can imagine myself buying the Honda Civic and yet feel no happiness at all. I can imagine myself buying a dog and yet i will not be happy. I can go out with friends and do all the wild things again. Yet i know i will not be happy. Infact all those things will make me even more sad. Sad that he's not here to experience it with me. Sad that no matter what i do, there's no happiness if he's not here with me.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Car Woes
Sent my car in for servicing yesterday morning. Couldn't get it back cause of some repairs required. My front brake pads needed to be changed and my bumper had to be fixed. For safety reasons, i can't postpone the change of brake pads so $240+ spent on that. Servicing at 40,000km costs $410+. Bumper clips were fixed and changed for about $70+. They suggested that i change my whole rear bumper coz some of the clips were broken and can't be fixed back. $800+ leh! So bloody expensive! Of course i chose not to do that lah. So i worried lah, sms a few people and now i've got a few lobang for changing my bumper.
How did that happen leh? Either i suai kenna this kerb that was too high up or that my passengers were too heavy and the car drooped lower. Whichever, that tore down my bumper. Damn jialat. I've parked at the same carpark before many times and never kenna.
It looks as good as before the incident but then i know that it's unstable lah. If the bumper kenna any injury ever again, i will have no choice but to replace it. So for now, i've decided to wait and see lah. Worse come to worse then i change lah.
However, the whole experience of getting my car back was terrible. First of all when i left my home to get the car, i got this feeling i might have overspent a little. So true ah, went there to find out my card got declined. Of course, they don't have the policy of post payment. So i had to pay to get the car!!! I've already spent $5 taking cab there and had to spend another $5 taking cab back home. After i've done the on-line payment, I made my way there again.
Unfortunately, it was noon and almost impossible to get a cab. So when i finally saw one, i was so happy even though it was a red cab! Should've known better lah. Their reputation i meant. I've always known the smaller fleet of cabbies are rejects from the two main companies (wait have they combined forces as well?), Comfort and City cabs. After i've finished smsing some people, i look up to realise the cab had gone to Yio Chu Kang Road!
So i said, "Aiyo! Uncle, there's a shorter and faster way by Paya Lebar Road leh!" He said hor, "no lah! Go by Eunos Road mah!" Yah lah, even if so, there's a shorter way lah! He's taking a much longer road to get to Ubi! Sian. Already late for school and wondering how to make it there on time and this happens. Then after it's gone onto Hougang Ave 8 that side hor then he asked me, "HOW??" Wahlau! Already here liao of course go straight via Eunos Road to Ubi lah! Still need to ask me meh? then what? go back & start over again meh? Xiao!
Luckily he realise later on and said to charge me the usual amount. But then i told him forget it lah only $1 difference. It's his attitude lor. He was so bad tempered after my first comment. Anyway being a taxi-driver's daughter i know he still burned petrol regardless of if he's right or wrong, so i decided $1 is okay lah. If it's many $$ then another story.
Luckily got back to school on time. (Though i've missed 2 meetings which started at noon)
How did that happen leh? Either i suai kenna this kerb that was too high up or that my passengers were too heavy and the car drooped lower. Whichever, that tore down my bumper. Damn jialat. I've parked at the same carpark before many times and never kenna.
It looks as good as before the incident but then i know that it's unstable lah. If the bumper kenna any injury ever again, i will have no choice but to replace it. So for now, i've decided to wait and see lah. Worse come to worse then i change lah.
However, the whole experience of getting my car back was terrible. First of all when i left my home to get the car, i got this feeling i might have overspent a little. So true ah, went there to find out my card got declined. Of course, they don't have the policy of post payment. So i had to pay to get the car!!! I've already spent $5 taking cab there and had to spend another $5 taking cab back home. After i've done the on-line payment, I made my way there again.
Unfortunately, it was noon and almost impossible to get a cab. So when i finally saw one, i was so happy even though it was a red cab! Should've known better lah. Their reputation i meant. I've always known the smaller fleet of cabbies are rejects from the two main companies (wait have they combined forces as well?), Comfort and City cabs. After i've finished smsing some people, i look up to realise the cab had gone to Yio Chu Kang Road!
So i said, "Aiyo! Uncle, there's a shorter and faster way by Paya Lebar Road leh!" He said hor, "no lah! Go by Eunos Road mah!" Yah lah, even if so, there's a shorter way lah! He's taking a much longer road to get to Ubi! Sian. Already late for school and wondering how to make it there on time and this happens. Then after it's gone onto Hougang Ave 8 that side hor then he asked me, "HOW??" Wahlau! Already here liao of course go straight via Eunos Road to Ubi lah! Still need to ask me meh? then what? go back & start over again meh? Xiao!
Luckily he realise later on and said to charge me the usual amount. But then i told him forget it lah only $1 difference. It's his attitude lor. He was so bad tempered after my first comment. Anyway being a taxi-driver's daughter i know he still burned petrol regardless of if he's right or wrong, so i decided $1 is okay lah. If it's many $$ then another story.
Luckily got back to school on time. (Though i've missed 2 meetings which started at noon)
Monday, July 09, 2007
Somemore Firsts...
First No 1: The Dog Hash or DASH 070707
My first ever doggie run! This time round it was at the Springleaf Avenue Playground. It was so damn cool to see all the dogs gathering. Even more COOL is when all the dogs dashed off!! "On-on" is the call when we're on the right track! Is it my imagination or did the dogs respond to that and ran even faster! Wow! You get to go through a 'virgin trail' which is a untouched part of the mini forest. Got a few scratches on my legs and had to do a lot of pushing (of branches and twigs) to avoid getting injury to my face. Lesson learnt here - wear things to cover legs, like long socks!
I even had to climb up a really steep and tall slope. It rained that morning so the ground was slippery and muddy!! Eeks?! No! I totally enjoyed the thrill of it! I even didn't mind the yucky insects and other things that i would usually freak out about! I just enjoyed the company of the dogs. Aiyo! They're so cute! They were squeezing past me alot of time and i had to try to avoid kicking them a lot of times. So adorable! At the end of it all, i had to throw away my old shoes, socks and handkerchief because they were all mud marinated. hiak! Learnt to wear unwanted shoes, socks and towel next time!
First No 2: Archdiocese Youth Day 070707
After finishing the DASH, rushed home to shower and finally after going round in circles, the Lord showed me the path to Singapore Expo for the event. Already said Youth! I first thing think of Youngsters lah! Teenagers lah! Really ah! Go there maciam cult like that! All wearing the same black T-shirt! I felt so out of place liao lor (coz i wasn't wearing the same shirt). I noticed all young people leh! SO BLOODY YOUNG! Wahkao! Now really really out of place! But then they show love for God so openly! Screaming their love for God and jumping about so freely and running crazy (maciam on drugs) onto the main floor to dance and jump somemore! Wow i'm impressed with that generation. Wait a minute, were we crazy too back when we were of that age? Well..maybe not. Anyway, another reminder of my age, AGAIN!
First No 3: Off-track Jogging Session 090707
Ever since the dog run, i've been really brave and not afraid of stepping into any ground in Singapore. I've have lots of energy and can't wait to jog or run through challenging terrains. I left my car at Toyota for repair and instead of grabbing the nearest cab, i walked to Honda showroom (excuse/inspiration for walking). The short distance seemed so easy! (well, didn't get my brochure, they said they're out of that, Blah!) So since i can't possibly walk to school from Ubi (and i didn't know what buses to take, coz out of touch for so long), i had no choice but to take a cab.
So this evening , just as i about to sink into my depression, i decided, "Hey! Why not recreate that same good feeling i felt from the dog run?" So?? I dashed out of my home and headed straight to the road! I didn't even think through the path i was going to take. I just walked and somehow, started jogging and made my way to sgn gardens and back home. Well, i know, it's not really that far. I was tempted to go uncle's place or amk hub to meet my parents but then i decided not to be too ambitious. Nevertheless, i'm proud of myself! I even chose to run on the rougher ground!
My Resolutions??
I want to experience many more firsts in my life. I want to experience all the things i've missed out just because i was depending too much on my comfort zone and too scared to try. I'm going to make up for all the lost time. I think i've gained enough epidemis layer(read: skin/face) over the years, to try new things.
I'm even planning to start to go for SDS events once i've quit a certain bad habit of mine and am ready to start a new relationship.
My first ever doggie run! This time round it was at the Springleaf Avenue Playground. It was so damn cool to see all the dogs gathering. Even more COOL is when all the dogs dashed off!! "On-on" is the call when we're on the right track! Is it my imagination or did the dogs respond to that and ran even faster! Wow! You get to go through a 'virgin trail' which is a untouched part of the mini forest. Got a few scratches on my legs and had to do a lot of pushing (of branches and twigs) to avoid getting injury to my face. Lesson learnt here - wear things to cover legs, like long socks!
I even had to climb up a really steep and tall slope. It rained that morning so the ground was slippery and muddy!! Eeks?! No! I totally enjoyed the thrill of it! I even didn't mind the yucky insects and other things that i would usually freak out about! I just enjoyed the company of the dogs. Aiyo! They're so cute! They were squeezing past me alot of time and i had to try to avoid kicking them a lot of times. So adorable! At the end of it all, i had to throw away my old shoes, socks and handkerchief because they were all mud marinated. hiak! Learnt to wear unwanted shoes, socks and towel next time!
First No 2: Archdiocese Youth Day 070707
After finishing the DASH, rushed home to shower and finally after going round in circles, the Lord showed me the path to Singapore Expo for the event. Already said Youth! I first thing think of Youngsters lah! Teenagers lah! Really ah! Go there maciam cult like that! All wearing the same black T-shirt! I felt so out of place liao lor (coz i wasn't wearing the same shirt). I noticed all young people leh! SO BLOODY YOUNG! Wahkao! Now really really out of place! But then they show love for God so openly! Screaming their love for God and jumping about so freely and running crazy (maciam on drugs) onto the main floor to dance and jump somemore! Wow i'm impressed with that generation. Wait a minute, were we crazy too back when we were of that age? Well..maybe not. Anyway, another reminder of my age, AGAIN!
First No 3: Off-track Jogging Session 090707
Ever since the dog run, i've been really brave and not afraid of stepping into any ground in Singapore. I've have lots of energy and can't wait to jog or run through challenging terrains. I left my car at Toyota for repair and instead of grabbing the nearest cab, i walked to Honda showroom (excuse/inspiration for walking). The short distance seemed so easy! (well, didn't get my brochure, they said they're out of that, Blah!) So since i can't possibly walk to school from Ubi (and i didn't know what buses to take, coz out of touch for so long), i had no choice but to take a cab.
So this evening , just as i about to sink into my depression, i decided, "Hey! Why not recreate that same good feeling i felt from the dog run?" So?? I dashed out of my home and headed straight to the road! I didn't even think through the path i was going to take. I just walked and somehow, started jogging and made my way to sgn gardens and back home. Well, i know, it's not really that far. I was tempted to go uncle's place or amk hub to meet my parents but then i decided not to be too ambitious. Nevertheless, i'm proud of myself! I even chose to run on the rougher ground!
My Resolutions??
I want to experience many more firsts in my life. I want to experience all the things i've missed out just because i was depending too much on my comfort zone and too scared to try. I'm going to make up for all the lost time. I think i've gained enough epidemis layer(read: skin/face) over the years, to try new things.
I'm even planning to start to go for SDS events once i've quit a certain bad habit of mine and am ready to start a new relationship.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Blasted Memory Problems
As i was reading the latest entry on my own blog (which is the previous one), i sort of figure what could possibly be happening to me. It's more of a mental problem that caused the physical one.
Well, i told dor sometime ago, how i dreamt of him, she said those are the good memories which i want to keep. I replied that it's not. It's those memories that hurts and i want to forget them.
Keyword is forget. I've had this mechanism in me ever since my first relationship, where i slowly deleted the memories from my brain, bit by bit. All because it hurts too much remember, i chose to forget. Somehow i've been successful. How successful? That i can't remember clearly the relationships, they're all a blur and i've even mixed up a few memories. I've even problem remembering daily things which has sort of affected my career a few years back.
I think somehow now, my brain is doing the erasing thing again. This time it has chosen to erase that period when we broke up too. Such that i have a hard time remembering. I mean if you ask me, i can think real hard, and slowly the bits and pieces will come together. But just now when i was reading the previous entry, i simply couldn't remember about the breakup. I had to reread those blog entries to recall the events.
That explains why i've not been facing up to reality, cause my mind is living in a world of its own and in that world, all the bad things (the breakup, actions) didn't happen.
Well, i told dor sometime ago, how i dreamt of him, she said those are the good memories which i want to keep. I replied that it's not. It's those memories that hurts and i want to forget them.
Keyword is forget. I've had this mechanism in me ever since my first relationship, where i slowly deleted the memories from my brain, bit by bit. All because it hurts too much remember, i chose to forget. Somehow i've been successful. How successful? That i can't remember clearly the relationships, they're all a blur and i've even mixed up a few memories. I've even problem remembering daily things which has sort of affected my career a few years back.
I think somehow now, my brain is doing the erasing thing again. This time it has chosen to erase that period when we broke up too. Such that i have a hard time remembering. I mean if you ask me, i can think real hard, and slowly the bits and pieces will come together. But just now when i was reading the previous entry, i simply couldn't remember about the breakup. I had to reread those blog entries to recall the events.
That explains why i've not been facing up to reality, cause my mind is living in a world of its own and in that world, all the bad things (the breakup, actions) didn't happen.
What is happening to me?
I really wonder. I was just nuah-ing as usual, watching cable drama and enjoying it cause finally i don't have to wake up at an unearthly hour again (which is what i've been for the past week and will be for the next week, including next saturday). Then my routine kicked in, i just lazily reached for my handphone, thinking if he's called me yet and if i've got a sms from him.
FREAKY! It's been more than a month and i'm still stuck in this mode!!!
What mode? It's the "he's overseas" mode. Having endured endless periods of him going overseas for work, i've sort of became two person. One when he's around, another when he's not. I'm the latter one right now. It's both a blessing and a curse. Why?
Blessing first. I'm used to not having him around, so i'm can withstand his absence. That 'skill' came in handy during the initiate few weeks.
Curse? I realised why i'm like okay most of the times. It's because i'm still in that "he's overseas" state where i know he will be back, he still cares about me, he's just gone for a moment, he will contact me soon. I can't get out of it. I only feel sad at times when things reminded me that IT'S OVER!
Conclusion: I'm not going through a normal breakup routine and it's taking longer than ever to get over it because it's been on hold all these while.
Solution: Need to remind myself more often, even if i have to suffer, so that i can get it out of my system.
I really need serious help this time. And at the moment, no one can help me at all. Whatever ways or methods are not working with me right now.
FREAKY! It's been more than a month and i'm still stuck in this mode!!!
What mode? It's the "he's overseas" mode. Having endured endless periods of him going overseas for work, i've sort of became two person. One when he's around, another when he's not. I'm the latter one right now. It's both a blessing and a curse. Why?
Blessing first. I'm used to not having him around, so i'm can withstand his absence. That 'skill' came in handy during the initiate few weeks.
Curse? I realised why i'm like okay most of the times. It's because i'm still in that "he's overseas" state where i know he will be back, he still cares about me, he's just gone for a moment, he will contact me soon. I can't get out of it. I only feel sad at times when things reminded me that IT'S OVER!
Conclusion: I'm not going through a normal breakup routine and it's taking longer than ever to get over it because it's been on hold all these while.
Solution: Need to remind myself more often, even if i have to suffer, so that i can get it out of my system.
I really need serious help this time. And at the moment, no one can help me at all. Whatever ways or methods are not working with me right now.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Petrol Credit Overlimit
Yah i forgot to mention one more thing that shocked me! My shell petrol credit card! Can you image that i drove so much and my car ate up so much petrol that i actually hit the limit! Wah! Die ah! How to pay for it! It's gonna be deducted from my account.. sob..
So paiseh, cashier tried a few times and it said card declined then found out overlimit. Luckily i have my handy credit card. Now i have to worry about my credit card going over credit limit. Phiew, fortunately bonus is coming soon. At least i can cover the basic to prevent the banks from calling me for payments hee..
So paiseh, cashier tried a few times and it said card declined then found out overlimit. Luckily i have my handy credit card. Now i have to worry about my credit card going over credit limit. Phiew, fortunately bonus is coming soon. At least i can cover the basic to prevent the banks from calling me for payments hee..
My Confirmation at IHM
I'm now a confirmed catholic haha.. No lah, it actually means i'm an 'matured' catholic. Suppose to be more involved and responsible in my action and contribution to the catholic community. Expected to have the knowledge and carry myself off as a regular catholic. No longer a newbie. Well, that was fast right? I was only baptised three months ago. And now? Must know everything. hee..
Ber even asked me what's my next step. It's been on my mind all these while. Tried my hand at helping the charismatic group at Risen Christ but it just didn't work out. Thought of being a sunday school catechist. Well, natural choice cause i'm a teacher. Of course can't because i'm a newbie and not spirit-filled enough to fit that role. Then since i love to go karoke so much, why not Choir? Told the lot of them (Dor, Uncle and Ber) that i'm a little afraid of joining choir.
Why? Well, it goes like this. My church, SFX, tends to rotate the choir member singing the responsorial palsm. I've got stage fright, especially when it's singing. Then ber shared with me how her church (IHM - She just happened to be there for my confirmation mass) doesn't have the same practice as mine. Only the better singers get to do that. Phiew. So i happily asked to join lah since she was asked by her cousin to join the Choir.
Bibi was the one who sms dor, then we guessed bibi and ber were around somewhere. They went back to eat dinner while the three of us (dor, uncle and me) headed to fisherman village for a simple celebration. Ber caught up with us a little later. We already had our dinner at dor's place cause my god-grandma cooked for us. 2 veges, 1 fish, cola-chicken and egg with long beans! Delicious! Too bad my "ku cai neng" wasn't available. Nevertheless I enjoyed the food!
Go look at the photos at my photo blog: http://auntyalbum.blogspot.com/
We were joking while waiting for my turn at the aisle of the church. Then after i was sealed with the gift of the holy spirit, we gossiped a little while waiting. Very bad right? Think Theresa ,my RCIA Catechist, would lecture us for sure if she had the chance. Suppose to keep a sacred silence for the whole time to reflect. That's what she will say lah. Maybe i can become one ah. I already know what's wrong liao haha..
Another happening thing was during the part where we sing the "Our Father". i've been so used to just raising my hands that i didn't see the need to do so lah. Then dor was like waiting and hinting me to hold her hand lah. So i reluntantly did so. Then she nudge me toward the guy on my right. Apprently the poor fellow has been offering his hand for some time and silly me didn't realise. You know what he did when i realised? He grabbed my hand. He's not shy at all lor. Haha...
Ber hor horrible leh. When she first asked me what's my next step, she said Holy Matrimony? Wah not a single available guy around me, ask about marriage a bit shocking right? then after i mentioned about the guy above hor. She asked me which church he goes to. Of cause, i don't recall. She wanted me to go to his church and 'bio' (spy on) him leh! Wah she's so naughty xia! When they asked me for his name, i also didn't remember. But now i do, think it's roger.
They ah putting ideas in my mind ah. Dor said he's very prayerful and like a nice guy lor. I said don't like cause the first time i saw him, we already had slight disagreement liao. Imagine, first time meet a stranger, chitchat only can argue leh. No good right? Both so stubborn one. Die lah. Sure argue like mad. After reflecting, i though actually he seems like hubby-material. Should be driving a car cause he comes all the way from somewhere (got baptised long ago and shifted place), always dress prim and proper, wears glasses (hee..), a loner like me (cause never seen him bring anybody before), unmarried like me (and should be available like me too - cause no gf in sight) and has proper manners.
I've already concluded with uncle the previous time we went fisherman village that we are both 'fan jian' (horrid) cause we are just not interested in those goody-two-shoes people, we want only those charismatic people who are only good as lovers not long-term partners. So in a way we're asking for the sufferings we go through. So guess why i wasn't even considering that guy was cause he's hubby-material. But then again, i think i need someone whom i don't care about. Only then i will not be so 'sticky' and care so much for him til i lose myself and eventually lose him. Also, my eyes will be wide-opened to see things clearly and not be cheated again.
Like i said, i'm not ready yet. So i leave it to God to decided if it's time for me to start or not. Hey i have the holy spirit in me now! Celebrate and pray for gifts from the holy spirit! Gift of tongue and Gift of prophecy, come to me now! :)
Ber even asked me what's my next step. It's been on my mind all these while. Tried my hand at helping the charismatic group at Risen Christ but it just didn't work out. Thought of being a sunday school catechist. Well, natural choice cause i'm a teacher. Of course can't because i'm a newbie and not spirit-filled enough to fit that role. Then since i love to go karoke so much, why not Choir? Told the lot of them (Dor, Uncle and Ber) that i'm a little afraid of joining choir.
Why? Well, it goes like this. My church, SFX, tends to rotate the choir member singing the responsorial palsm. I've got stage fright, especially when it's singing. Then ber shared with me how her church (IHM - She just happened to be there for my confirmation mass) doesn't have the same practice as mine. Only the better singers get to do that. Phiew. So i happily asked to join lah since she was asked by her cousin to join the Choir.
Bibi was the one who sms dor, then we guessed bibi and ber were around somewhere. They went back to eat dinner while the three of us (dor, uncle and me) headed to fisherman village for a simple celebration. Ber caught up with us a little later. We already had our dinner at dor's place cause my god-grandma cooked for us. 2 veges, 1 fish, cola-chicken and egg with long beans! Delicious! Too bad my "ku cai neng" wasn't available. Nevertheless I enjoyed the food!
Go look at the photos at my photo blog: http://auntyalbum.blogspot.com/
We were joking while waiting for my turn at the aisle of the church. Then after i was sealed with the gift of the holy spirit, we gossiped a little while waiting. Very bad right? Think Theresa ,my RCIA Catechist, would lecture us for sure if she had the chance. Suppose to keep a sacred silence for the whole time to reflect. That's what she will say lah. Maybe i can become one ah. I already know what's wrong liao haha..
Another happening thing was during the part where we sing the "Our Father". i've been so used to just raising my hands that i didn't see the need to do so lah. Then dor was like waiting and hinting me to hold her hand lah. So i reluntantly did so. Then she nudge me toward the guy on my right. Apprently the poor fellow has been offering his hand for some time and silly me didn't realise. You know what he did when i realised? He grabbed my hand. He's not shy at all lor. Haha...
Ber hor horrible leh. When she first asked me what's my next step, she said Holy Matrimony? Wah not a single available guy around me, ask about marriage a bit shocking right? then after i mentioned about the guy above hor. She asked me which church he goes to. Of cause, i don't recall. She wanted me to go to his church and 'bio' (spy on) him leh! Wah she's so naughty xia! When they asked me for his name, i also didn't remember. But now i do, think it's roger.
They ah putting ideas in my mind ah. Dor said he's very prayerful and like a nice guy lor. I said don't like cause the first time i saw him, we already had slight disagreement liao. Imagine, first time meet a stranger, chitchat only can argue leh. No good right? Both so stubborn one. Die lah. Sure argue like mad. After reflecting, i though actually he seems like hubby-material. Should be driving a car cause he comes all the way from somewhere (got baptised long ago and shifted place), always dress prim and proper, wears glasses (hee..), a loner like me (cause never seen him bring anybody before), unmarried like me (and should be available like me too - cause no gf in sight) and has proper manners.
I've already concluded with uncle the previous time we went fisherman village that we are both 'fan jian' (horrid) cause we are just not interested in those goody-two-shoes people, we want only those charismatic people who are only good as lovers not long-term partners. So in a way we're asking for the sufferings we go through. So guess why i wasn't even considering that guy was cause he's hubby-material. But then again, i think i need someone whom i don't care about. Only then i will not be so 'sticky' and care so much for him til i lose myself and eventually lose him. Also, my eyes will be wide-opened to see things clearly and not be cheated again.
Like i said, i'm not ready yet. So i leave it to God to decided if it's time for me to start or not. Hey i have the holy spirit in me now! Celebrate and pray for gifts from the holy spirit! Gift of tongue and Gift of prophecy, come to me now! :)