I was told this wisdom by the #1 person at my work place when someone riled me up.
It still helps me every now and then.
It goes something like this:
"There will always be people who will not response well to you. That's a small percentage. Maybe 20%. You can never please everyone. So focus instead on the 80% who are there for you. They are what makes everything worthwhile."
I sent this to someone and thought that I should remind myself of that too.
This body of mine is not recovering. It is dragging on. Not only are my symptoms not improving, but something new has developed. It is reacting to the antibiotics which was supposed to stop my pain in my throat. Supposed to. That's right, my throat is still hurting and I have rashes all over my body! It started with just my right shoulder and navel area. After 4 pills, it has increased to cover almost all sections except my hands and feet.
Then, my ears went semi deaf! On some occasions, I can hear somewhat clearly. Most of the time, I'm listening to that deafening silence. Yup, that irritating noise from total silence. It drowns the voice of people I'm talking to. And when I tried to plug the ear with my finger, I hear weird sounds and I know it's imaged sound cause I don't hear it with my other ear. Tell me I'm going mad, please! At least that would be normal if I'm mad!
Now, I'm getting scared and irritated. Something is really wrong with my body. I seriously don't wish to go Japan in this condition. Especially not, after the incident with my family. I really, really don't want to go at all!
Taught by my good friend at my workplace. Simply have to smoke my way through after studying the past year exam questions. Really great! Instead of plodding through the lengthy notes, I just focus on the important parts which will usually appear in exams! Should have done this donkey years ago!
Anyway, now I'm being cocky and wasting my time online. Okay Back to my studies!
First of all, I'm taking 2 papers on the same day! With only an hour break in-between. Luckily, they are related topics but I find it silly to be tested twice on similar topics. However, I can look at it on the bright side that I have more hours to complete it or that I have more questions to answer.
Anyway, I've started my study leave today. I still went to work at 8.30am and left only around 3.30pm. As mentioned, my body was already retaliating and now it's upgraded to a full-blown flu. Voice has changed, throat is gone and nose is leaking. And the thing I fear the most, especially in an exam hall - Sudden cough attacks!!
Think I can forget about studying and just concentrate fully on recovering first.
A combination of long hours and lack of sleep has drawn out the monster that was hiding deep inside me. They are all linked. It's a cycle. Lack of sleep leads to grouchy me at workplace. Grouchy me means loads crappy encounters. Crappy encounters leads to sleeplessness. You know the rest.
I was so drained that I actually could fall into deep sleep at 3pm yesterday. I bore with it til around 9 and really slept. Woke around 9am today and that is almost 12 hours of sleep. Well, I am still dead tired! It's as if I didn't sleep at all!
Isn't this bad enough? No, my body thinks otherwise. It protested with flu! Now I have a cold headache, stuffy nose and body aches. Brain is on the verge of shutting down.
Oh Lord, please have mercy on me. I need to finish everything by tomorrow. If not, how to study for my exam in peace! *pray*
Just got this shocking news..an online friend who's only 22 passed away days ago.. OMG... I'm still in shock.. I think I've been rather emotional lately and kinda feel the urge to cry.
He is very friendly and knowledgeable about animes. No matter how busy we are (a few common online friends), he would just drop a one liner to ensure communication continues. We kinda took it for granted and I didn't realise how that has made that online place fun to be in. Now, it's going to be so quiet and I would miss him.
Then I also kinda regret not having made the effort get to know him better. Sad. How I only treasure things after they're gone. I have short term memory. I may want to correct this but I'm sure I will forget and be back to the old ways again.
Sigh. I need to loosen up a little. Throw everything away and then I have nothing to lose.
Tingling sensation, numbness, trembling hands, cold sweat, chest pain, painful headache, shortness of breath...some of the worrying signs that forced me to head there to find out what's wrong...
Luckily, it's not stroke or heart failure. It was simply the nerves being affected. Sometimes it gets compressed by the spinal cord. So it starts with the head, the arms, then the legs will get the same problems eventually. That's what the Doc said.
So he gave me an injection for immediate relief. And asked me to rest. Of coz, I didn't since I have the thousand and one things to do at work and can't avoid coz I have to conduct it. So I'm aggravating it by doing more work at home.
I still get the signs ever now and then. The attacks come randomly. Well, hope it will end soon.
Video Sharing: The focus this time is on Miyavi. He uses an acoustic guitar and can slap/play it at hyperspeed! Sugoi! Amazing! So effortlessly as well! I know the video's kinda old but it's worth watching since it's short anyway.
First, let's take a look my laziness. I've got tons of work to do. Oh man, what's new about that? Well, I'm here typing a new blog entry. Duh! Okay, let's look at how I've 'wasted' my time. I was at my R & R. [This time at hotel intercontinental with a double room upgrade to a Premier Room, Fantastic Services!] Even after I've checked out, I went out to look at mattresses. Tedious thing to do! Luckily, the Furniture Mall at Beach Road centralized all the brands and made it easier for me. However, that meant I didn't do a single thing today. *sob*
Sleep has always been one of the most important thing to me. Not that I choose sleep over other activities like most guys do. Rather, I dislike it being disturbed. Especially on days when I'm stressed, my 'spider senses' are on high alert. I will jerk awake easily to sounds. Also, I get super grouchy when I wake. Do avoid me like mad if you are ever near me when I'm in that insane state. And do forgive me if I ever bark or give you a deadly stare in future for that matter.
To somewhat reduce the grouchiness that I have, it's been decided it's essential to get back on a proper bed. My futon is now the cause of my backaches (coz I'm a side-sleeper) and likely my killer-vibes. It been on KIV for sometime now and it's been finalized today! Funnily, I didn't even get it from the furniture mall after stampeding through all floors. Instead, Seahorse Memory Top is my destined one. It was a closed deal even before the sales lady approached me. I even got myself a memory form pillow. Finally, I'm going to get a good sleep. Looking forward to it!!
As usually, a video feature, this time round a collection of clips of my favourite guitarist playing guitar in HD format.
Love his hair. BTW, mum commented my hair has achieved the Kimura Takuya look! haha...I seriously must thank the hairstylist who cut my hair (at the $10 shop!). haha..In case you're wondering..
Kinda going through depression. First of all, haven't cried properly in a while. Then I did it non stop for 10 minutes or more. Now my eyes are kinda sore.
Something that calmed me a little...well one of the few that I watched anyway..
Edit: The video I've watched got removed. So another video instead.. Trying to widen my music circle to include more bands with smaller followers.
I've googled the above but can't find a decent answer regarding it. The closest I've got is the place to get anime soundtracks..which I know is in animate. (Source: http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/japan/644208-best-places-buy-anime-soundtracks-tokyo.html)
Next best places? Tower Records or HMV in Shibuya. Well, those are the regular big names. Isn't there any cheap CD places? Like if you're a music lover who lives in Tokyo and you're on a tight budget, you would practically eat, sleep in that shop. What shop would that be?
I know a certain someone used to buy from those places and I think my sister's BF mentioned it as well. Is that really it? Towers & HMV?
I hope I will get lucky and some one who stays or stayed in Tokyo before will get to see my blog post. *cross fingers* *pray hard*
Not exactly good quality..but it does show shibuya & HMV haha ;)
Think my sister has finally found the right man. He gets along well with the family and is most gentlemanly. That means I won't ever hear quarrels (if I'm right). He has such calming effects on the family and things have been going on pretty well. Pretty family-orientated guy who's already like part of the family. Rare to hear that from me neh.
Also, something from HYDE (Vamps) which I found is a rare item from jrockers.
Another, live of my favourite VAMPS song which I play along with guitar.
This job I have inspires me because job satisfaction is great. The results are not simply data which you can analyze but something on a higher pane. Knowing how I made a difference is the best fuel to keep my engine running. I know this is one of the best job match because I spend more time with simple minded beings.
Wow. After writing the wonderful introduction above, I'm left wondering why am I even considering the signs (even if it's really from Him). Hm..Well, it started with a bang from my ex-sup who was just checking up on how I'm getting on (Yes, she's a very caring person).
She dropped this line out of the blue,"Have you ever thought of other jobs like admin manager?" Well, I was stunned as I've never ever thought about it. However, it's been on my mind since then. Shortly after, I found out that my current admin manager was about to leave.
I do not know if it's a headhunting attempt, chitchat or career advice. It's definitely something that surfaces ever now and then in my thoughts. Another two similar events like this happened. Once it was after conducting an IT lesson for staff and another after saving a co-worker from a potential IT mayhem. They both mentioned I'm in the wrong line (I'm NOT in the IT industry). I guess those are just other forms of appreciation and not really meant that way.
The 4th sign, so to speak, came from a complete stranger who was at my house to fix my cable. My mother was the one who retold the story as I wasn't around. The man was so surprised (more of shocked according to her) that both my cable boxes were connected correctly. Apparently, majority of the users placed the cables in the wrong places.
[Skip this paragraph - the technical details] We have 2 HD set boxes. hdmi cables are not provided but instead the 3-way video wires are provided. So what I did was used back the audio (red/white) cables for the audio. plugged in the 3 video wires in. So in total all 5 cables are required for HD to work. If I had the $60 hdmi cables, i would simply just plug 1 tiny cable in. Then for my own TV, I plugged in additional audio out to my hi-fi. So my computer (also connected to the TV) and TV can transmit sound to my hifi. My dad nearly plugged it all into the regular red/white/yellow holes which would've caused a major hiccup to the tv/cable. I'm not that theoretical, I'm a hands-on type. So pardon the lack of correct terminologies.
He kind of assumed I'm a guy and praised my mother's son for doing a great job. Then my mom proudly rebut him and told him it's her daughter not son who did it. He did a double-take. It seems like all the guys he encountered did it all wrong! Let alone a girl. hurhur.. My mother was so proud and for the first time ever, saw her grinning nonstop while retelling the whole story.
Well, I've also wondered that a few times myself. It made me looked at my room again and I suddenly realised that it could pass for a guy's room. A few obvious guitar items and guitarists' photos. Gadgets all over the place. Colour scheme is beige and no red or pink. Then I noticed a few girly stuff (earrings and female magazine) hidden here and there. How to mistake that for a guy's room? Haha, I realised that if it really was a guy's room, those would've been his girlfriend's items!! OMG! Ultimate!!
My mom commented that it was such a waste that I wasn't born a guy. That got me thinking that it's the fourth sign now and it's the first time this message is send through so loudly. I mean that's almost like putting up a neon sign in pitch-black darkness saying "Danger!". Then I'm here wondering if that sign is meant for me.
Okay, so it's a little extreme.. and I do need to finish my work still. At the end of year, get my well-earned bonus before I even think about a change of job.
Man, if I was born a guy, I would probably love girly guys and end up with an even smaller group of people. I think I better appreciate the fact that I'm a girl. Boy, now it's starting to sound like I'm having an identify crisis which I"M NOT!! Okay, that's the end. Great time to leave with a great video of guys (from the GazettE) who are straight as hell as me! Period!
See, they don't dress and makeup when they're off stage. So exciting to see them in their 'normal' mode. ;0
It's a rare video (online anyway, going to try to find in Japan when I'm there) which shows the making of their latest DIM album. The last few seconds are from a song. Sugoi!! Actually get to see how they work and how the song is recorded!
Warning: It's a negative-filled reflection. You have been warned!
My happiness meter has been so low for so long that I didn't even realise til I saw the korean variety show, 'Infinity Challenge'. For the first time in a long while, I was laughing uncontrollably like a mad woman in a mental institution. Firstly, yes, the variety show is that crazy and great if you desperately need laughter as a medicine. Secondly, yes, I'm mad and think I need to check myself into an asylum because I can't understand what I'm thinking anymore.
Let me get back to the point here. This made me realised that in the midst of conforming to rules at work, for the sake of my appraisal, I've lost myself. My identity. Who I am.
I mean I know I've always been a thinker. Someone who thinks a lot before taking action. Always analyzing things. Taking things seriously at times even when I shouldn't. So I do have my ways to counter it. I do crazy things at times. Of course, nobody appreciates it at all and only the closest kin and friends can even remotely understand it.
However, I've gone down the deep end. I've become even worse. I've lost my ability to laugh at things. I stuck to rules for almost everything. I'm scare of breaking the rules. I freaked out when something goes wrong. I could no longer find humour in things. Any laugher/smile I had were fake.
Well, this is probably should be part of my growth. But it's NOT me! I'm having a metal breakdown because of it. Everyday, I feel this utter urge to break free of my cage. I've been suppressing this feeling because I was oblivious to it. Now, I want out!
I need to find the fun in life. The humor in things happening around me. Laugh and smile simply because I enjoy life..I long for it, crave for it. Now I just have to wait for my time to be done.
Lord, give me strength...and maybe a little humor to within the test of time. :)
Can you imagine your skin burning for hours? I experienced that kind of pain last night. It was freakish. I tried all ways to relieve the pain but just wouldn't go away.
How did that all happen? Come to think of it, I was pretty stupid. I am usually very cynical of such treatments but somehow, yesterday, I took my parents' advice word for word.
Applied those alcoholic ointment for sprains on cottton. Then, secured it with the ankle guard. Since I didn't want it to be stained with the ointment, some seal wrap was place over the cotton first. Now, this wasn't the first time I've use this (though not in this manner!), so I expected it to be 'hot' later on.
After many hours, it started to bug me that this pain is a little off. Stupid me didn't even bother to open and check. Instead, I went to sleep with the 'hot' sensation! An hour later, I woke to excruciating pain which was now screaming for attention!
I was shocked (in my semi-asleep state) to see my skin had become rotten! Swollen, burning and some parts have rotted away. Goodness, gracious me! The shock woke me up, my brain was thinking of all available options.
It was so painful that seeing a doctor, who would most likely poke my ankle, is not an option! So I tried to go back to sleep, hoping the pain would subside but it didn't. I couldn't position my ankle in any way to feel comfortable.
I didn't know what to do except to apply generous amount of antiseptic cream non-stop. It kept melting and I had to re-apply many times. The pain just didn't go away. I know applying heat would hurt even more. However, cold air also didn't help but made it worse.
So I had no choice but to take the painkillers which I've got for my dislocated tailbone (that's another story). After half an hour, my sensors finally stopped sending pain signals to my brain and I was able to fall into deep sleep.
Now, my ankle is still hurting and as if it's not enough, I have burnt/infected skin. Yes, it adds a whole new pattern to the already 'tattooed' left leg of mine (from the roller-balding experience 2 years ago). The feeling of pain is indeed deeply embedded in my soul now.
I think the only other lengthy pain experience I've had was when I extracted my wisdom teeth on local anesthesia. It felt like I was being saw into pieces while being painfully conscious of it. That was more of the fear than pain. Now, this...this has set a new pain record... which I hope / pray would never be upset.
The Actual Run The day before the run, I was so tired that I really wanted to skip the even itself. To stop myself from doing that, I contacted my kaki from work to find out more about the start time. Now, I'm really glad I did that because I've made my 10km PR (Personal Record) of 1:11!! Image that! I nearly missed out on my own PR breaking moment!
For the records, this is my 3rd 10km. First, it was the 2008 GE which I started with 1:14. Then, I walked a good section of the next 10km which was the Passion Run 2009 but managed to score a 1:16. I really regretted walking the last few km that time and it pushed me to strive for my best in the Bay Run.
My cool graphical results Safra website is amazing! It actually analyzed my data!
Here's is their Barks ID from july 2009, Kai, their leader, talking about the album.
(The most handsome guy on the top right hand corner is my guy, Uruha!!) Barks is a great place to view the latest from the Japanese Music scene!
My current favourite from the GazettE latest's album, DIM.
Track 13 - 白き優鬱 (Shiroki Yuutsu) The guitar playing is more prominent here & since I can't tell if its Aoi or Uruha (unless it's a video), I have to trust this guy, Dave (whose video is attached below) that it's played by Aoi. Uruha usually plays more lead but I guess Dave could've been trying to combine both to play out the essence of the song.
Just like Track 8 - 紅蓮 (Guren), it caught me unexpectedly and my heart just went crazy.
Since there's no video of it yet, this guy's cover of it will have to do for now. It's something I've watched a few times! Amazing! I can at least get a visual of the guitar playing (unlike watching GazettE's videos).
Updating I guess I must be too free or am searching for things to distract me from work. I can't believe I'm here updating my blog again. Why? I didn't touch it for 1 year and now I'm like posting a few times a month? Not many to some, but a lot for someone who has left & came back like me.
Well, I guess if you just look at the entries from my Twitter above, it should be more detailed than what I have to say here. It's rather cool. Simple short updates (short as in it has characters limit) if you have no time for long blog entries like me. Erm, correct that I'm very free to update now. hurhur..
Running Ran my 2.4km on Saturday. Was there with my colleagues who are all younger than me by at least 5 years. Saw an ex-colleague there too. I realised when I started running that I cannot afford to take it slow & easy. All the youngsters were running so fast. I ended being the last 10 of about a 100 runners (guys & gals). However, I may get a bronze or silver for my age group. The wonders of being older now.
Collection of Safra Half-marathon's runner's kit is during the coming long National Day weekend. 10km, think I will just reserve my energy the week before like what I did last year. It's works better I think. Simply lost my interest in runs already. Just going for the sake of going / keeping fit..hurhur..
Music Hyde (L'Arc-en-Ciel & Vamps) and Uruha (the Gazette) are now on the cabinet of my workplace & on my wall at home. They're my inspiration. Frankly, I've no chance to look at them at work. In fact, the only time I've looked at them is when my colleague commented on Uruha.
That he looks too femine and he looks scary? Disagree, he looks so beautiful it mesmerizes me and makes me forget about the pains of working there. Beauty is meant to be admired. I've gone through the period of admiring macho guys. Now I've gone the other way and can only admire beautiful looking men.
By the way, Uruha looks very manly when he's off work. That is sans make-up and gothic, beautiful outfits. He's rather broad-shouldered, tall (1.77m) and has the typical guy's face (rather ah-beng / gangster-like). You can google 'uruha no makeup' to find out more. Don't be shocked to see the difference. Wait, I might as well link it here:
Can't believe they're both the same person right?! I also could not when I first saw that photo! I really scrutinized each & every part of that photo before I finally confirmed it's him. Then it made me love him more knowing he's rather manly. It's unbelievable that the make-up & outfits (plus good camera angle) can make such huge changes.
Now, I can't resist placing their video here. Well, here's guren 红莲, my favourite at the moment. It's 2008's release which has been added to their latest 2009 album, DIM. I bought that album at $60++ at HMV (which is like the only place that sells loads of Japanese CDs).
There are many other wonderful videos. It's nice to watch because all the band members are so expressive. So another one in my next post. Hope you've enjoyed that! :)
My 3rd Shape Run. New addition as mentioned in the previous post, my colleagues were there. Somehow I guess I wasn't that prepared for gathering and more so for running. As usual, I ran with only my iShuffle. That meant I had no means of contacting others (realised that a few people were missing) and also no way to capture the moment. Thankfully Team Relak (whose team leader was Supergirl) was armed with their shooting equipments ;p
My 6th marathon and I was unable to feel the excitement most felt. Expected this of myself since I lost interest in things easily. This is more of a routine thing liao. Like goals placed through out the year to keep me running. Expected timing is 35minutes. Not my best 5km and didn't expect it too because I've not exercised for a month.
However, this did jumpstart my running engine and now my body has gone back to the pre-illness days. Inspiration is running high and my usual 2km jog around the neighbourhood was a breeze. I'm rather glad I've not lost it.
This reminded me of something. So it's time to share a little about myself. I used to run alot in primary school. I was in the school team and running events during sports days. So whenever I didn't run for a week or so, I would have nightmares where I couldn't run anymore. I've not had this feeling since then and it's interesting how it's coming back now.
Talking about nightmares, I'm reminded of something. I'm about to celebrate my 1-year anniversary of quitting that bad habit of mine. So guess what, I dreamt that I did that again and I was like cursing myself for wasting a 1-year effort. Maybe it's due to the people I'm idolising who like to do that so much. I'm sub-conciously craving for it. Also, what's sustaining this unbelievable restrain that I have? I've realised it's my work outs. The month that I went without was the month I was most tempted to give it all up. Guess one addiction to replace another.
Conclusion? I'm a General Addict. I simply get addicted to everything, anything. :)
Here are the events that I will be taking part in:
1. Sengkang Run (Missed - MC) 2. Passion Run (Completed - 10km) 3. Shape Run -5km 4. Army Half-Marathon-10km 5. Great Eastern Women's -10Km 6. Standard Chartered-10km
Shape Run - with co-workers (20 of us) & carolyn
Army Half-Marathon - with some co-workers who are regulars
Great Eastern - unconfirmed yet (coz I've not started advertising - in Staff Welfare Com this year)
Standard Chartered - Big event with so many options. So I'm definitely going push for this and hope for a 30% of staff strength. (However, if I'm heading to Tokyo/Taipei this year end, I'm going to pass the baton to someone else.)
This is a copy of my blog on MyAnimeList so if you have read that, you can ignore this. Only difference is that I've embedded more of Laruku's videos.
I've got a new interest recently. This name L'Arc-en-ciel appeared so many times when I was looking at some anime songs. So curious me went to listen to them. At first I found it okay only. Maybe the vocal sounded a little like Uverworld type (that half-nasal, sharp voice) but the music was average.
Then, one day, as I was browsing the music shop, I don't know what the hell compelled me to buy the 'Theatre of Kiss' concert DVD. That was when I got hooked by Laruku (the nick/alternative name of L'Arc-en-ciel).
What happened next, you would ask? Well, I can say the rest is history. However, I can't help mentioning my journey towards this idiol-addiction. If you ever want to start being a fan, perhaps it may come in handy someday. Haha.. I'm kidding myself.
Since I was watching the DVD past 10pm, I couldn't rush to the music store or book store to buy all available items on Laruku. So the next best thing is to searched Wikipedia and google. Wiki is great! They have all the history listed down and in one shot, I knew everything I needed to know about them (well, almost).
Now, I need pictures because I'm so in love with HYDE, the vocalist. So I went to my usual art website DeviantArt to search for it. Another amazing thing happened. I found not only great photos and wallpapers but also many long-time fans who are so willing to help a new fan like me. They answered a lot of questions which I couldn't find online (okay, I admit I'm not that great with seach engines).
The final step to get all the DVDs and CDs available. Boy, was that the toughest thing to do. My first mistake was that I didn't realise that HMV is the greatest music shop in the world (pardon, in Singapore). A shop assistant (not from HMV) was wonderful enough to point it out to me and I'm forever thankful. Yes, HMV's stuffs are bloody expensive but it's the only place to get foreign music stuff which you can't find any where else. They even have a on-line shop where (really) everything on earth is available.
Okay back to the topic. I went crazy when I found all the old DVDs and albums (and also singles)! I would've grabbed everything if the Japan version didn't cost $79 per CD. Repeat CD for $79!!!! No matter how much I love HYDE, I wouldn't spend that amount! I mean I've not reached that stage yet.. (I fear that day may come soon when I would buy it). It's already burning a hole in my pocket as it is.
I worked backwards to the source that started it all. The animes. GTO (song, Driver's High) which I've watched long, long time ago but was never interested in anime songs yet.
Fullmetal Alchemist (song, Ready Steady Go).
Watched that already. Fullmetal Alchemist Movie (Songs, Link and Lost Heaven).
Going to try to watch that because it continues where the series left off. Next, Seirei no Moribito (song, Shine) I watched it and was blown away by it. It's so amazing that I wondered why did I not watch it? Must watch if you like epic animes.
Blood+ (song, Season's Call) has the song HYDE made when he went solo.
Now I'm left with DNA^2(song, Blurry eyes), Mobile Suit Gundam 00 (song, Daybreak's Bell) which I will watch eventually.
Well, I finally bought all the asian version and that concludes my walk towards being a HYDEist, HYDEness?? I don't know. I've seen so many versions of that hee.. yup. HYDE in Laruku. HYDE solo? yes. HYDE vamps? Not so sure yet. That is why I think no matter what HYDE does outside, he should never leave Laruku because the music made by the members is what I like. (HYDE is the lyricist)
