As i was reading the latest entry on my own blog (which is the previous one), i sort of figure what could possibly be happening to me. It's more of a mental problem that caused the physical one.
Well, i told dor sometime ago, how i dreamt of him, she said those are the good memories which i want to keep. I replied that it's not. It's those memories that hurts and i want to forget them.
Keyword is forget. I've had this mechanism in me ever since my first relationship, where i slowly deleted the memories from my brain, bit by bit. All because it hurts too much remember, i chose to forget. Somehow i've been successful. How successful? That i can't remember clearly the relationships, they're all a blur and i've even mixed up a few memories. I've even problem remembering daily things which has sort of affected my career a few years back.
I think somehow now, my brain is doing the erasing thing again. This time it has chosen to erase that period when we broke up too. Such that i have a hard time remembering. I mean if you ask me, i can think real hard, and slowly the bits and pieces will come together. But just now when i was reading the previous entry, i simply couldn't remember about the breakup. I had to reread those blog entries to recall the events.
That explains why i've not been facing up to reality, cause my mind is living in a world of its own and in that world, all the bad things (the breakup, actions) didn't happen.
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