Yet Another Saturday (A VERY LONG Entry)

I zombied the whole day. My care was exposed to rain & shine. The grass beneath it had no chance to photosynthesize. The wallet I bought for my favorite cousin’s was slowly deteriorating away in it wrapping in the glove compartment.
Woke with determination to fill my day with various fun activities and yet as my fingers touched the keyboard, it withered away. I’ve always acknowledged I’m a weak-minded creature so it’s so easy to sway me.

Work on the school’s notebook soon wore me down. I gave up updating my work review and entered the world wide web to browse pages hoping to brighten up my day. Read up all the latest on friends on their Blogs, Friendster, MySpace and various email accounts.

Somehow, I ran out of interesting pages to view. I got curious and soon went to a page that I’ve been avoiding since the day I discovered it. Something that caused all the fits-like reactions a few weeks back.

That was the even that put me off the net for more than a week. I received a thrashing from my beloved sister who asked a simple question which I had difficulty answering then.

“Why are you still reacting to it at all, after so long?”

Yes, damn it! Why am I indeed?! Thus my sub-conscious ban of all access to the Spartan space that contained all the information in the world. I didn’t even use it at work. Many important emails got ignored and yet I was unconcerned.

I only realized much later when I saw the date of my blog’s last entry. I figured it was a good thing that my brain did that on its own. It helped. Both my sister’s elaborated exclamations and the band. I’ve accepted some more facts.

Dealing with things came in the form of a Korean drama I borrowed from my best friend in school. “Foxy Lady” is the title. Doesn’t really matter what the whole story is all about. The feelings and openness of affection shown in the show replicated my past somehow.

I’ve finally sort-of finished watching it today. Yes, that’s how my day was spent. Drama-chasing. I lazed in bed tearing to the unfolding storyline. I’ve no inspiration to go out whatsoever. I didn’t care that I’m spending a day typical of a spinster’s. That I’m dateless/friendless on a Saturday.

The boredom ended finally when I decided, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I need to feel alive again! Even if I had to do the same routine!

So here I am now at West Coast Park’s McDonalds. AGAIN! Writing my blog entry on an outdated diary which I bought in KLCC’s Times bookshop in Dec 2005. it was supposed to be a close friend’s Christmas gift. But seeing that she has got one similar gift already and her other friends bought her even better stuff, I chose to not to give it.

For the first time, plenty of people here at WCP. The car park was full. A lot of BBQ-ing, people chatting with friends. I almost left because I couldn’t find a single table. Maybe it’s the first time I’m here on a Saturday. I brought my magazines along, planning to read but couldn’t resist the need to write.

I was at Marina South before this. I wanted to play games at the arcade. As usual the young crowd around there made me very aware of the number of years since I came into existence. I felt as if my age was tattooed onto my forehead. I left

Now I recall how I felt when I was single that last time. Comfortable, peaceful and yet that restless, hopeless and frustrated feeling. Difference now is that I’ve got a set of wheels to get me away. A hell lot of difference! What worse than being restless, penniless and then stuck at home in the middle of the night? I totally understand that feeling, my friend. I count myself lucky.

Did you know how I had a perfectly drivable car waiting at the car park for me everyday? Yet I couldn’t drive it? That was bad. I lost count of the times I’ve thought of driving it. There were a few times that I was determined enough to be sitting behind the steering wheel and started the engine but didn't move it a single inch.

I’m talking so much about it cause I’m reliving it now. With a car, without any ‘spare tyres’ aka back-up boyfriends or any friends at all. Those are the three main differences. I did consider asking people out. Firstly, there weren’t many I could call. Also, I didn’t want any of their company. I just wanted some alone time.. maybe to reflect.

SEE? I’m still a loner. I serious think that I’m going bonkers! I will soon need to join that special hospital at Hougang. Work is the only distraction/antidote/inspiration for going on. Therefore for once, I’m actually running out of things to mark.

In my life, things work like this:

“Good Love Life = Bad Work Life”

Nadah! Backspace all that! Redo.

“Good Love Life = Bad EVERYTHING in Life”

Now back to my reading or maybe my driving trip which is WAY overdue.