Baptism Troubles..

Haiz.. just found out officially that my baptism starts at 8pm.. going on for at least 3hrs after..thus confirmed i'm not going to make it for jo's wedding dinner.. well..at least i will be there for the church wedding which is most important..

I've been having doubts about going thru with my baptism..coz i keep feeling like i do not have enuff faith thus not worthy to be baptised...all thanks for my godma-to-be, uncle and my godbuddies (catholics from rcia) i'm realising that it's just temptation set out by the devil and i shan't let the devil achieve that.. i will banish that..(i would ask for God's help of coz)

then hor.. i did something implusive.. i've booked round flight to penang to be with james while he's there working during the coming march school holidays.. only after i've booked then i realised i'm gonna miss the 2nd scrutiny of my baptism haiz.. no choice i guess.. heartpain also coz the tickets not cheap ah.. i very 'sim tia' about money related things one lah..as always...hehee...

dor was busy tonite so she couldn't make it for the introduction at my rcia.. but at least i know she will do her best to be there for rest of the events and of coz the most important one.. which is the 7th april night.

Something happened to me last night. I've had a serious panick attack.. trembling uncontrollably and heart was pound so fast & hard that i got freaked out why i was like that.. at first i tot maybe i was hungry so i tried eating..but whole time was trembly so badly i couldn't control most of my movements.. it was scary.. i send out panick sms to my close ones.. namely dor uncle & james.. i was amazed at uncle's response..which was pray to the lord.. wow.. that faith she has gave me hope of overcoming this..then dor sms me a short prayer to banish the evil..

wow.. it was an experience... like dor said.. only notice the stars when it's darkest..so when i was most desperate i saw jesus like a star shinning to lead me back.. it was amazing.. it was one of the times when i got so freaked out.. the blind was like banging away and my hp pouch was like flying around like mad..wah.. the strongest was when i prayed dor's little prayer.. it was such an experience... maybe it was my imagination..but i would like to think that it was the holy spirit fighting for my soul..

Actually there was a sign already that something was wrong with me about an hr before this thing started.. there were like numerous tiny bubbles in my drink (which is normal).. and that sight freaked me out so much (phobic) that i wanted to destroy the drink and run around screaming like crazy (as in freaking out).... i controlled that and all the while thinking i've not had such terrible feeling for a long time liao.. (used to be phobic of those tear-off coupons before i was 10)...so i guess that meant something was wrong with me liao..

anyway...it became better after many prayers.. lord's prayer & rosary..finally it subdued..i thanked my close ones.. and of coz Jesus & Mary (for interceding) for helping me.. Haiz..time to go to that condo to hougang liao..