I've been a bit of a loner all my life. Always wanting some quiet time on my own. Given a choice i would rather daze and think about things than to sit around with someone at chat. Yet at times i feel lonely and crave for some company, even though i don't feel like talking. Guess my mood swings must be very obvious to the two people (dor and uncle) who's been so supportive and been around me enough. I've been lost in my thoughts and sulking, pretentiously happy or even just normal and just following people around.
It's like i'm in my head, watching the TV which is showing the things happening around me. I don't know where i'm going or what i'm doing, there are just episodes of a few dramas. Sometimes the lead actress is bubbly and sociable. Sometimes the actress is weak and feeling self pity. Sometimes it's slow moving and sometimes too fast to remember. It's weird. I'm going crazy. At least i'm sane enough to worry about it.
I actually like being alone by myself. When i asked myself if i should ask uncle, the choice was clear. So i went through the same routine as last Saturday. This time the feeling is different. i actually quite look forward to doing it and enjoyed it very much. The exactly same locations. I found the same bench, i was at last week, empty and sat down. I was a little disappointed this time coz there weren't so many people around camping or otherwise. Also there wasn't a convoy of mitsubishi cars accompanying me on the drive towards changi beach. It was fun then coz they were trying so hard to keep in a line. They were even a little offended when i cut their line (not by choice, construction obstacles ahead & merging lanes). The way they moved in line as a group was rather cool.
I even went to marina south again, this time i sat down to play some old arcade games i've not played in a long time. Streetfighter gems thingy and photohunt. I failed in photohunt coz too many pictures of scantily dressed women and i'm too paiseh to look at certain places.. ah hmph..and somehow all the mixmatches were around those ah herm..places.. Saw TPs around and luckily for me, i was going at 40km/h.
I was sharing with uncle this morning, how i'm always feeling the emotion bursting out and making me feel like crying. Too many times i think. When a starbucks personel talked so passionately about the voluntary work they're doing. When i shared about the experience, my vp thought i was about to cry coz i was so moved. I was puzzled this past week about it. Finally i saw this hongkong drama and the character was sharing about how shitty her life was, and the tears came pouring down. I'm so tired and drained. After 3 weeks and 2days, i'm still so hung up about it. It's past my deadline of mourning. Have you ever experience that too? Well, i guess i will have to extend it's visa stay to 4 weeks.
Last night, i finally went for my first confession! I wanted so much to give it a skip but then now i'm glad i went. It was rather simple and nothing scary. Father Gerald was very fatherly, i had no qualms about sharing a few of my biggest sins. Since the baptism, i've been rather lack of mortal or other big sins. Just really commons ones and i was asked a few questions and given some advices by him. They are still in my mind cause they are really helpful. Well, confirmation will be next Sunday at IHM. Rather short notice and so few classes. It suits me fine coz i've problem comitting time when work starts again.
Anyway, i so look forward to watching Fantastic4 tonight with dor, uncle and ber. hee.. the Fantastic 4(the 4 of us) watching Fantastic 4..hhaaa.. such coincidentally that there are 4 of us watching. Dor and Uncle surprised that i asked ber. Well simple coz i've been asking ber a few times but she wasn't interested or busy. I knew somehow she would like to watch movie so asked lor. Didn't ask the rest? coz they are busy with their things lor and mostly couples so eh..so not really ready yet lah. Just singles night out k.
Also, Yvonne asked me along for the dog run with her. Wah i like leh! 50mins of jogging through rough grounds and then pay $20 to get light snacks and free flow of beer! Cool and get to be in the company of dogs (and of coz people also lah hee..)! So that's another things i look forward to. Heard about it from bala (non-dog owner) and been so hooked on it but then paiseh to join coz the main dog owner (Yvonne) did not asking mah. hee...
Aiya..my mind really messed up as you can see from my post. So many things, such highs and lows. Hope for a better tomorrow then..
No comments:
Post a Comment