I've been slow in updating my blog for various reasons. Since workplace is closing early this year, I've been doing overtime at mac with my good friend roza almost everyday. After that I'm so drained that I have no inspiration to blog at all. Today is the worst day of all cause I'm having stomach-flu symptoms and I'm still pushing it to the max with work.
I've missed the PL gathering last friday to finish my work. I've failed all my 2008 resolutions. For once, I've been the opposite of zen-like. I've flared up a few times and I'm pissed off with some people who are giving me a hard time at work. I've not done anything related to water (not even swimming). I've not even signed up for any language courses yet. I've failed terribly.
I was down with fever and taken MC just a week ago. I do not wish to take MC again but I may have no choice this time. I think I'm down with some bug. It's irritating to have this happening now. I don't have the time for this.
It doesn't help that I've the most challenging project ever. I'm suffering the consequences of trying so hard to upgrade it to my last year's standard.
I've been hearing some sickening rumours from this toxic friend. So to sum it up, it's a bad year to take on extra responsibilities with all these things happening.
Stress level is at its highest and everyone has lost their smiles. I've heard a few people talking about resigning. I've even looked at job advertistments. That's how bad it is right now.
It's a tough struggle to stay happy and positive about things. I know it's good and I kinda enjoyed it at first but it doesn't help to have those negative people around. It makes me feel really down about it all.
I'm just glad at least there is a friend who's been injecting some laughter into all these. Thank God for that.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Backdated Blog - 30 November 2007
Though I’m feeling pretty carefree recently and seem to be happy at work. There are times when certain songs, scent or scenes that will still invoked in a me a sense of nostalgia about the past. Most of all it hits me like a stab in my heart, a sudden craving to be back in those days when we were blissfully in each other’s company. My heart crunches and I had a sudden need to end my torturous exsistence. I’m glad I’m in school. There are many colleagues around. Just knowing that they are there is enough to feed this aching heart.
Usually at this time of the year, we would’ve already booked a trip to Genting Highland and Kuala Lumpur. I would most likely be anticipating arrival of the holidays. Such a drastic difference that I now wish school will not end so quickly. I want to occupy my time with work and not have time to think about things. I fear the days when I will have to think hard about what I could do in Singapore and shield myself from the temptation of driving up Malaysia.
Usually at this time of the year, we would’ve already booked a trip to Genting Highland and Kuala Lumpur. I would most likely be anticipating arrival of the holidays. Such a drastic difference that I now wish school will not end so quickly. I want to occupy my time with work and not have time to think about things. I fear the days when I will have to think hard about what I could do in Singapore and shield myself from the temptation of driving up Malaysia.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Beyond 3 Oh
Reflecting on my days since turning 3-0, I do see some significant events happening.
(1) An ex-bf i shouldn't have had a relationship was attached to me for more than 2 years. A silly mistake, i realised. Stupid to have even have faith in him or even believed his obivious lies. All the while believing that he has a good heart and won't hurt me emotionally.
(2) Finally not treating my work as a job. Doing something to work on climbing the ladder. It's the foremost thing on my mind at all times now.
(3) An ex-suitor who wrote me the most touching letter that i've ever received in my whole life, is now married. I still remember my mum's words about letting him go and find the right gal if i'm not interested. Well, it happened. Should i praise myself? or lament that I gave up a good chance? Just another minestone in my life.
(4) My very first bf has probably married her long time ago and is still happily married to her. How did a schemeing woman get him? Well, maybe that's just what guys want. A manipulative woman.
(5) I should probably ignore all of the above except for the one about my job. I realised that i like being myself and not having to deal with all the crap with another person. So what's happening to all my exes shouldn't matter anyway.
My current time fillers??
Anime/TV, work and sleep.
Sometimes i find that life is playing some joke on me at this point in time. So i guess it's worth blogging about.
(1) I ended my revived relationship.
(2) I finally woke up from my job to a career.
(3) Found out that a ex-suitor who's perfect gentleman is married.
(4) My first BF is still attached to the reason he broke up with me.
(5) Discovered I'm better off being single.
A little elaboration of each of the above...(1) An ex-bf i shouldn't have had a relationship was attached to me for more than 2 years. A silly mistake, i realised. Stupid to have even have faith in him or even believed his obivious lies. All the while believing that he has a good heart and won't hurt me emotionally.
(2) Finally not treating my work as a job. Doing something to work on climbing the ladder. It's the foremost thing on my mind at all times now.
(3) An ex-suitor who wrote me the most touching letter that i've ever received in my whole life, is now married. I still remember my mum's words about letting him go and find the right gal if i'm not interested. Well, it happened. Should i praise myself? or lament that I gave up a good chance? Just another minestone in my life.
(4) My very first bf has probably married her long time ago and is still happily married to her. How did a schemeing woman get him? Well, maybe that's just what guys want. A manipulative woman.
(5) I should probably ignore all of the above except for the one about my job. I realised that i like being myself and not having to deal with all the crap with another person. So what's happening to all my exes shouldn't matter anyway.
My current time fillers??
Anime/TV, work and sleep.
Sometimes i find that life is playing some joke on me at this point in time. So i guess it's worth blogging about.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
2008 Chinatown
For the first time ever in my life, I went to Chinatown with my parents to join the crowds viewing the Chinese New Year sales. It's so much more meaningful than going with friends because we were there with the intention of shopping for items for home, not just to walk around. We bought quite a number of stuff. Infact we were quite smart to head there early and still had time to drop by NTUC supermarket to do more shopping.
What's a pity is that I didn't have the foresight to bring along my camera to capture the wonderful decorations that they had put up there. For example, the Budda's Tooth Relic Temple dimmed their lights but filled up their foyer's ceiling with lots of lanterns. It was a wonderful sight. Plus the mood everyone was in should've been recorded! Anyway, I guess it doesn't really matter cause this will forever be etched in my memory.
What's a pity is that I didn't have the foresight to bring along my camera to capture the wonderful decorations that they had put up there. For example, the Budda's Tooth Relic Temple dimmed their lights but filled up their foyer's ceiling with lots of lanterns. It was a wonderful sight. Plus the mood everyone was in should've been recorded! Anyway, I guess it doesn't really matter cause this will forever be etched in my memory.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Best BLEACH Boyfriend for ME!
| The Best Bleach Boyfriend for You Your Result: Kuchiki Byakuya You want a dashing man of nobility and good social standing. He has high moral values but will be willing to bend the rules out of love for you. He may seem cold and distant at times but he has a good heart and will move heaven and earth to fulfill your every desire. You may have to accept, however, that he's too good-looking and that your expensive hair accessories and shawls look better on him. | |
| Abarai Renji | |
| Kurosaki Ichigo | |
| Hitsugaya Toshiro | |
| Yasutora Chad | |
| Ukitake Jushiro | |
| Ishida Uryu | |
| Kisuke Urahara | |
| The Best Bleach Boyfriend for You See All Our Quizzes | |
Sunday, December 23, 2007
She's Not On Vacation Leave Meh???
That's the question my sister asked my mum. Cause she will wake up the few days she's in Singapore, to find me gone. Gone where? Gone to work lah.
I'm fortunate to be working with my neighbour co-worker, Roza (who's sitting next to me). Making plans to meet to discuss work has inspired me to go head there in the morning. There are a few projects we're working on together. So the time we set aside to work never seem to be enough and somehow end up meeting quite often.
I've been staying daily from 9 til 5, majority of the days, coz of other things also. Like my own projects that i'm still busy working on. So it's been a busy month. Which is also good lah. Else i will be bored to death at home. Or thinking up activities to do. Bad thing is that i'm missing out on all the sports that i usually would do during the holidays.
Which leads to what i've been wondering for the past few days: How do the bosses do it? I'm amazed that they, who have more responsibilities and projects to complete, can afford to finish their work and not head to work during vacation time. Whereas workers like me are staying daily to rush finish the work.
Guess that only mean one thing. That i will only qualify to head that position once i figure it all out. So my goal for 2008 is to be zen-like in my dealings to people at work and to be able to work smart and finish work quickly without compromising the quality.
At least i did some adventurous sports like my skiing in korea and windsurfing. Those few sessions have strengthened my muscles, which i previously didn't noe i have. Haha.. Now i do realise that strength/weight training is indeed very good at toning and weight lost. Those few sessions is equal to many sessions of my usual cardio workouts. Can you imagine i'm still eating as much as i did in korea and still have muscles to boast about(well.. hidden under my fats anyway..hee..).
By the way, Korea is so breath-taking that i can't find the words to describe it. Maybe cause it's the only country i've been to other than those typical Asia places. It's more amazing than Australia(which i backpacked in for 1.5 months) because of the ski resorts and the Japanese-like SPA/bath places that they have. I can imagine Japan being the same or even better. So once i get inspiration enough, i will plan one trip to Japan.
You can find my Korea trip photos either in FaceBook(a few selections) or Sabby's Album (the whole thing which will be upload later on).
Of course, since i like the people and scenery in Korea so much, i plan to make a solo free & easy trip back there. I've realised that i rather travel by myself, rent car and explore different places. So while i was in Korea, i kind of familiarised myself (mentally) with the roads there. Took photos and notes of places that i would need to know or want to visit. This so that i can go back there and travel by myself confidently.
Korea is rather safe and secure, either as good as Singapore or even better. Drivers are many times better than Singaporean in many ways. They are courteous, considerate, safe and yet skillful. They are able to speed or at least travel harmously without causing obstruction to any other road users.
In Korea, it's so hard to find 'turtle'-drivers who are crawling at the fastest lane or purposely blocking others. Yet these speedsters are able to give way to others when they see a faster vehicle. They give way to road users who need to cut across them. I'm so impressed that a good 10% of my photos are of roads & cars.
The country is also very clean! They have recycle bins EVERYWHERE! And it's not for show!! The locals actually are very conscientious about putting their trash in the right places. Thus the country is so much more cleaner than Singapore! They also make a very serious habit out of returning all plates & cups after they makan. How i wish we could somehow instill this in our new generation.
However, the only problem that i have with visiting this country alone is that i have a language barrier. haha.. Yes i do know some basic korean words & totally at ease with names of places but can't really speak or understand the beautiful language well. So i must make sure that in 2008/2009 i must go learn Korean til i'm able to converse and read confidently. I need to know how to read for easier understanding of warnings, although all major road signs do include the english versions of places' names. However parking rates and minor warning signs are only available in Korean.
So already i have my New Year resolution for 2008:
1) Work smart.
2) Learn Korean at a language school.
3) (Optional) Lookout for my SOULMATE.
4) Obtain Sailing Level 1 certificate.
5) Obtain Windsurfing Level 1 certificate.
Don't you think 5 is already a handful? Okay, think i will not be too ambitious and just stop at that.
Finally....HAVE A BLESSED & MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I'm fortunate to be working with my neighbour co-worker, Roza (who's sitting next to me). Making plans to meet to discuss work has inspired me to go head there in the morning. There are a few projects we're working on together. So the time we set aside to work never seem to be enough and somehow end up meeting quite often.
I've been staying daily from 9 til 5, majority of the days, coz of other things also. Like my own projects that i'm still busy working on. So it's been a busy month. Which is also good lah. Else i will be bored to death at home. Or thinking up activities to do. Bad thing is that i'm missing out on all the sports that i usually would do during the holidays.
Which leads to what i've been wondering for the past few days: How do the bosses do it? I'm amazed that they, who have more responsibilities and projects to complete, can afford to finish their work and not head to work during vacation time. Whereas workers like me are staying daily to rush finish the work.
Guess that only mean one thing. That i will only qualify to head that position once i figure it all out. So my goal for 2008 is to be zen-like in my dealings to people at work and to be able to work smart and finish work quickly without compromising the quality.
At least i did some adventurous sports like my skiing in korea and windsurfing. Those few sessions have strengthened my muscles, which i previously didn't noe i have. Haha.. Now i do realise that strength/weight training is indeed very good at toning and weight lost. Those few sessions is equal to many sessions of my usual cardio workouts. Can you imagine i'm still eating as much as i did in korea and still have muscles to boast about(well.. hidden under my fats anyway..hee..).
By the way, Korea is so breath-taking that i can't find the words to describe it. Maybe cause it's the only country i've been to other than those typical Asia places. It's more amazing than Australia(which i backpacked in for 1.5 months) because of the ski resorts and the Japanese-like SPA/bath places that they have. I can imagine Japan being the same or even better. So once i get inspiration enough, i will plan one trip to Japan.
You can find my Korea trip photos either in FaceBook(a few selections) or Sabby's Album (the whole thing which will be upload later on).
Of course, since i like the people and scenery in Korea so much, i plan to make a solo free & easy trip back there. I've realised that i rather travel by myself, rent car and explore different places. So while i was in Korea, i kind of familiarised myself (mentally) with the roads there. Took photos and notes of places that i would need to know or want to visit. This so that i can go back there and travel by myself confidently.
Korea is rather safe and secure, either as good as Singapore or even better. Drivers are many times better than Singaporean in many ways. They are courteous, considerate, safe and yet skillful. They are able to speed or at least travel harmously without causing obstruction to any other road users.
In Korea, it's so hard to find 'turtle'-drivers who are crawling at the fastest lane or purposely blocking others. Yet these speedsters are able to give way to others when they see a faster vehicle. They give way to road users who need to cut across them. I'm so impressed that a good 10% of my photos are of roads & cars.
The country is also very clean! They have recycle bins EVERYWHERE! And it's not for show!! The locals actually are very conscientious about putting their trash in the right places. Thus the country is so much more cleaner than Singapore! They also make a very serious habit out of returning all plates & cups after they makan. How i wish we could somehow instill this in our new generation.
However, the only problem that i have with visiting this country alone is that i have a language barrier. haha.. Yes i do know some basic korean words & totally at ease with names of places but can't really speak or understand the beautiful language well. So i must make sure that in 2008/2009 i must go learn Korean til i'm able to converse and read confidently. I need to know how to read for easier understanding of warnings, although all major road signs do include the english versions of places' names. However parking rates and minor warning signs are only available in Korean.
So already i have my New Year resolution for 2008:
1) Work smart.
2) Learn Korean at a language school.
3) (Optional) Lookout for my SOULMATE.
4) Obtain Sailing Level 1 certificate.
5) Obtain Windsurfing Level 1 certificate.
Don't you think 5 is already a handful? Okay, think i will not be too ambitious and just stop at that.
Finally....HAVE A BLESSED & MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Oct-Nov Updates
Going korea this month end with my parents. Mostly motivated by the korean dramas i've been watching & secretly wanted to meet my handsome korean dreamlover there. Funny right? Subconciously okay. Then since the package included skiing (actually i wanted a skiing package), i asked around to find out what to do to prepare for skiing. Bladding was the answer. Thus i bravely ventured into that again.
After so many attempts over many years, i somehow didn't start out too badly. In fact, managed to move quite a distance by myself without support (but REALLY SLOWLY...). However, my determination to accomplish this sport came at a price. No, i didn't fall at all. I was concentrating so hard to moving and completing the distance, that i didn't realised that the skates were cutting into my skin.
(Warning: what follows may gross you out.) There was a horizontal cut that went round half my calf. No blood, but i can only see white flesh left from the abrasion. My dark upper layer of skin was already all gone. I was surprised cause i didn't feel any pain at all. What's even more amazing is that i continued to run/jog around east coast with my colleague.
So the consequences? Rotting flesh that was still bleeding after 3 days. My mom took about 2 days to convince me to allow her to put the 'Yunan' aka China's melon powder on it. Well, even though i totally didn't believe that but it TRUELY worked! The wound dried up within the day itself & totally didn't 'burn' at all. Do use that next time alright. Compared to my previous similar injury, this really healed so much faster!
Reflecting on this year, it's been an amazing journey. Loads of changes of the way i look at things & mostly the way i work. I enjoyed it so much better because i'm most of myself now, instead of trying to be perfectly safe & subdued. My boss even commented on my performance this year.
First of all, she said there were quite a number of nominations for me as an outstanding staff, which totally knocked me speechless. She apologised she couldn't choose me but i told her i am delighted by the fact that i've been nominated. I won't even think about getting choosen cause there are so many more deserving people. Then she mentioned that i was ranked rather high this year. Another shocker. I was worried i might be at the bottom and here she is telling me i'm at the top. Wow! Double whamy!
You know how when you achieved something or experienced something wonderful and totally out of the world, you can't wait to share it with your loved ones? Well, that's the something that's lacking in my life. I've shared with my parents. Somehow that's different. So many times i hear some songs and i'm so blissful about how my life is going. Yet, in all that happiness i feel, i had to remind myself this: I do not need someone to share it with.
Such is my life at the moment. Totally on cloud9, yet void of that one thing.
After so many attempts over many years, i somehow didn't start out too badly. In fact, managed to move quite a distance by myself without support (but REALLY SLOWLY...). However, my determination to accomplish this sport came at a price. No, i didn't fall at all. I was concentrating so hard to moving and completing the distance, that i didn't realised that the skates were cutting into my skin.
(Warning: what follows may gross you out.) There was a horizontal cut that went round half my calf. No blood, but i can only see white flesh left from the abrasion. My dark upper layer of skin was already all gone. I was surprised cause i didn't feel any pain at all. What's even more amazing is that i continued to run/jog around east coast with my colleague.
So the consequences? Rotting flesh that was still bleeding after 3 days. My mom took about 2 days to convince me to allow her to put the 'Yunan' aka China's melon powder on it. Well, even though i totally didn't believe that but it TRUELY worked! The wound dried up within the day itself & totally didn't 'burn' at all. Do use that next time alright. Compared to my previous similar injury, this really healed so much faster!
Reflecting on this year, it's been an amazing journey. Loads of changes of the way i look at things & mostly the way i work. I enjoyed it so much better because i'm most of myself now, instead of trying to be perfectly safe & subdued. My boss even commented on my performance this year.
First of all, she said there were quite a number of nominations for me as an outstanding staff, which totally knocked me speechless. She apologised she couldn't choose me but i told her i am delighted by the fact that i've been nominated. I won't even think about getting choosen cause there are so many more deserving people. Then she mentioned that i was ranked rather high this year. Another shocker. I was worried i might be at the bottom and here she is telling me i'm at the top. Wow! Double whamy!
You know how when you achieved something or experienced something wonderful and totally out of the world, you can't wait to share it with your loved ones? Well, that's the something that's lacking in my life. I've shared with my parents. Somehow that's different. So many times i hear some songs and i'm so blissful about how my life is going. Yet, in all that happiness i feel, i had to remind myself this: I do not need someone to share it with.
Such is my life at the moment. Totally on cloud9, yet void of that one thing.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Gohae 3 - Another Translation from Drama sub
A much proper translation that made sense out of the whole song. The previous one is a raw/direct translation. This is much better for understanding but it's not as feeling as before. Maybe cause i'm used to the old translation and now there's a line missing in the verse cause it's been blended together.
Anyway, it so bloody hard to find the MP3. After many attempts at many websites & clients, i still can't find Chi Yeol's cover. Only managed to get one miserable low quality original singer's version.
Also, i found the actual romanised of the title should be kobae but so far only found Gohae on sites. So i guess it is the actual name to me for now.
Infact, i'm typing as i watch the 'Lovers' drama on Starhub Cable channel 255 (+3hrs broadcast). If you've missed it, don't worry. They will repeat this double episode of 9 & 10 again tomorrow or next week. I can't remember which. You can always check the Cable guide. If i'm not wrong, they will repeat it twice.
Also, i didn't have the chance to explain in the last post. Yes, the chorus is a cry of help to God. The singer sang it like a cry to heaven. It's so sad. Digs right into your heart's hurt & pain, that is, if you have. It can be used to express the feelings towards the guys as well just change the pronouns.
Anyway, it so bloody hard to find the MP3. After many attempts at many websites & clients, i still can't find Chi Yeol's cover. Only managed to get one miserable low quality original singer's version.
Also, i found the actual romanised of the title should be kobae but so far only found Gohae on sites. So i guess it is the actual name to me for now.
Infact, i'm typing as i watch the 'Lovers' drama on Starhub Cable channel 255 (+3hrs broadcast). If you've missed it, don't worry. They will repeat this double episode of 9 & 10 again tomorrow or next week. I can't remember which. You can always check the Cable guide. If i'm not wrong, they will repeat it twice.
Also, i didn't have the chance to explain in the last post. Yes, the chorus is a cry of help to God. The singer sang it like a cry to heaven. It's so sad. Digs right into your heart's hurt & pain, that is, if you have. It can be used to express the feelings towards the guys as well just change the pronouns.
Confession
고해 告解(苦海) - 치열(Chi Yeol)
What happens now?
What should I do?
I fell in love with her
Yet I lie to myself
Pretending to have forgotten her
This is worse than death
The world reprimands me
And sees me as crazy
I worry for the unavoidable
But I still love her
Chorus:
Lord, where are you?
Can you hear me?
A love so painful and sad
Do you understand?
Please forgive me
I'll take any punishment
Please don't let it be her
Please let us be together
(repeat chorus)
Okay time for MY confession: Yes, I'm crazy about this 'Lovers' drama. To the point that i won't mind watching all the repeats available on cable and yet it's still not enough. I will watch it again & again.
You noticed that i mentioned my 'boyfriend' Lee Seo Jin? haha.. Cause i'm crazy about him being so 'man'/gangster type so protective of his love. I want a gangster boyfriend! My 'neighbour' worker mentioned it once and that term has been stucked with me ever since. That 'boyfriend' term is now used loosely to refer to whichever actor i'm crazy about at that moment in time.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Gohae 2 - History & Explaination
Just discovered many korean dramas are using the song for super important, romantic, crucial part of their plot. Thus it must be a damn great song. There are two main singers who have sung it on records. Others have too but not recorded.
The English translation for the title is Confession.
It roughly expresses the feeling of a guy wanting to confess to a girl his true feelings but it's wrong to love her. He is hopeful that she will accept his love through his confession. Its a really heart-wrenching kind of feeling because he has to hide his feelings but wants so much to confess them all to her. I realised for two dramas, they were used at the point where the lead actors had to hide their feelings. So suiting.
(The above is my own translation from the few dramas i've seen before.)
(1) Started to get my attention from episode 10 of 'Lovers' (2006) where my gangster 'bf' Lee Seo Jin acted in. The song was played at the part where he first/finally acknowledged and acted upon his feelings for his love. He can't love her because his girlfriend whom he's about to marry is pregnant with his child. (p/s: Both the leads are dating for real and there's possibly a wedding this year end too.) Also, it's showing now on our local cable channel 55/255 on weekends. this weekend should be the one where they will show this scene.
(2) Then found the young baseball player lover from '9 ends 2 outs' (2007), sang it in a karoke scene. He sang it so beautifully cause he's a singer in real life. Can almost fight with the original singers.
(3) Finally my current boy toy 'bf' Gong Yoo sang it in episode 14 of 'One Fine Day' (2006) while drinking in pub pitifully. Since he's the 'brother' of his love, he went through such pain thinking about what to do with this wrong love. The song truely showed his feelings at that moment in time.
I'm sure the above dramas are not the only ones that featured this song, Gohae. Infact when i googled it, i found a few more scenes where the actors sang it. That's excluding those where it was just played in the background.
Anyway, this song captured my heart everytime i hear it. I've only made the connection after i saw the drama '9 ends 2 outs' and found out that they were the same song.
In that drama '9 ends 2 outs', the actress watched the japanese movie, 'love letter', in korean language. Gohae was playing in the back ground when the actress shouting out very sorrowfully, her love confession to the snow-filled land.
Coincidentally, that is the same movie scene that was shown in Guang Yang's 'Tong Hua' MTV. It appeared on the TV of the scene where the girl with cancer watched with Guang Yang and cried.
So amazing, right? If you interested now, do watch the 'Lovers' version of Gohae.
(Or you can simply scroll down to my previous post on Gohae.)
That's how obesssed i am recently with korean dramas & in particular this song. I'm even writing down korean conversational words.
I've just discovered another popular song that's appeared in many dramas. I will be investigating and update when i find it.
More to come when i discover any more interesting facts of korean dramas!
The English translation for the title is Confession.
It roughly expresses the feeling of a guy wanting to confess to a girl his true feelings but it's wrong to love her. He is hopeful that she will accept his love through his confession. Its a really heart-wrenching kind of feeling because he has to hide his feelings but wants so much to confess them all to her. I realised for two dramas, they were used at the point where the lead actors had to hide their feelings. So suiting.
(The above is my own translation from the few dramas i've seen before.)
Reference Drama:Direct Translation of Song:
What happens now
What should I do now?
Fearlessly, without hesitatation,
I love her
Quietly even I, even i don't know
Pretending i've forgotten
Even i live, i die
I love her
Even the world's condemnation
Even this crazed appearance
Even knowing all this,
Even though it frightens me.
I love you
Chorus:
Where are you?
Can you really hear my words?
Then, this blood that spills from my pitiful love
You must know this too
(repeat)
Please forgive me
If you punish me, I'll accept it
But her, just this one person,
Please allow our love
(1) Started to get my attention from episode 10 of 'Lovers' (2006) where my gangster 'bf' Lee Seo Jin acted in. The song was played at the part where he first/finally acknowledged and acted upon his feelings for his love. He can't love her because his girlfriend whom he's about to marry is pregnant with his child. (p/s: Both the leads are dating for real and there's possibly a wedding this year end too.) Also, it's showing now on our local cable channel 55/255 on weekends. this weekend should be the one where they will show this scene.
(2) Then found the young baseball player lover from '9 ends 2 outs' (2007), sang it in a karoke scene. He sang it so beautifully cause he's a singer in real life. Can almost fight with the original singers.
(3) Finally my current boy toy 'bf' Gong Yoo sang it in episode 14 of 'One Fine Day' (2006) while drinking in pub pitifully. Since he's the 'brother' of his love, he went through such pain thinking about what to do with this wrong love. The song truely showed his feelings at that moment in time.
I'm sure the above dramas are not the only ones that featured this song, Gohae. Infact when i googled it, i found a few more scenes where the actors sang it. That's excluding those where it was just played in the background.
Anyway, this song captured my heart everytime i hear it. I've only made the connection after i saw the drama '9 ends 2 outs' and found out that they were the same song.
In that drama '9 ends 2 outs', the actress watched the japanese movie, 'love letter', in korean language. Gohae was playing in the back ground when the actress shouting out very sorrowfully, her love confession to the snow-filled land.
Coincidentally, that is the same movie scene that was shown in Guang Yang's 'Tong Hua' MTV. It appeared on the TV of the scene where the girl with cancer watched with Guang Yang and cried.
So amazing, right? If you interested now, do watch the 'Lovers' version of Gohae.
(Or you can simply scroll down to my previous post on Gohae.)
That's how obesssed i am recently with korean dramas & in particular this song. I'm even writing down korean conversational words.
I've just discovered another popular song that's appeared in many dramas. I will be investigating and update when i find it.
More to come when i discover any more interesting facts of korean dramas!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Wise Advices for the Guys - Forwarded Email
love the girl in ur heart, not in ur mind.
if u base ur relationship on feelings,
it will fail for there are ups and downs in feelings.
girls are there to be loved, not toyed around.
love her for who she is.
don't even think about changing any bit about her.
6 billion pple in this world and 6 billion different personalities.
she's special and shy will stay that way.
you change any part of her, you'll change her forever.
don't subsitute her for anyone else, they are juz unique in their own ways.
love whole-heartedly.
she sacrificed alot for you so you'd better really treasure her.
she could hv just got up and date a so much more dashing guy in town but she chose you instead all becuz of love.so love her, guys, not play with her.
don't just get the girl to beg you to stay or watsoever.
if you're with her, love her.
don't cause a strain in the relationship,
you'll end up loving each otherout of pity or charity,
that's not respecting love at all.
respect love the way it is and everything will be the best it can be.
i've been there and i know how it feels.
don't expect perfection from her.
she's the only one in the world and she's done the best she could.
don't go calling other girls 'honey' or 'darling',
how would it feel ifyour girl calls other guys the same way?
be faithful, enough is enough.
socialise only when you're single.
you socialise and flirt around is to get the girl of your dreams.
get it over when she's already yours, don't ask for more.
it never kills to be romantic.
think, be flexible.
getting that diamond ring isn't the only gift for her.
be realistic, she's human and she lives life just like you.
something sweet and simple always get the job done.
money doesn't exist between couples, its the love.
never promise her that you'll love her forever becuz your forever might end the next day.
love her as it each day is the last.
sweet talking only applies for singles, not for attached guys.
do that and you'll really break your girl's heart.
it isn't good being too well-known too, it'll give her a sense of insecurity.
remember, INSECURITY.
promise her and make sure you never break the promise.
swear to her and make sure you live up to your word.
pledge your love to her and her only.
loving her is giving her your heart to break it but trusting her not to.
same goes for her,
giving you her heart means allowing you to break it and trusting you not to.
instead, she'll cherish it and protect it.
shouldn't you do the same thing as well?
that's love.
give her your heart, your life, your everything.
lay down your life and prepare to die for her when the need arises.
but stay strong and live through another day,
she can never live without you.
if u base ur relationship on feelings,
it will fail for there are ups and downs in feelings.
girls are there to be loved, not toyed around.
love her for who she is.
don't even think about changing any bit about her.
6 billion pple in this world and 6 billion different personalities.
she's special and shy will stay that way.
you change any part of her, you'll change her forever.
don't subsitute her for anyone else, they are juz unique in their own ways.
love whole-heartedly.
she sacrificed alot for you so you'd better really treasure her.
she could hv just got up and date a so much more dashing guy in town but she chose you instead all becuz of love.so love her, guys, not play with her.
don't just get the girl to beg you to stay or watsoever.
if you're with her, love her.
don't cause a strain in the relationship,
you'll end up loving each otherout of pity or charity,
that's not respecting love at all.
respect love the way it is and everything will be the best it can be.
i've been there and i know how it feels.
don't expect perfection from her.
she's the only one in the world and she's done the best she could.
don't go calling other girls 'honey' or 'darling',
how would it feel ifyour girl calls other guys the same way?
be faithful, enough is enough.
socialise only when you're single.
you socialise and flirt around is to get the girl of your dreams.
get it over when she's already yours, don't ask for more.
it never kills to be romantic.
think, be flexible.
getting that diamond ring isn't the only gift for her.
be realistic, she's human and she lives life just like you.
something sweet and simple always get the job done.
money doesn't exist between couples, its the love.
never promise her that you'll love her forever becuz your forever might end the next day.
love her as it each day is the last.
sweet talking only applies for singles, not for attached guys.
do that and you'll really break your girl's heart.
it isn't good being too well-known too, it'll give her a sense of insecurity.
remember, INSECURITY.
promise her and make sure you never break the promise.
swear to her and make sure you live up to your word.
pledge your love to her and her only.
loving her is giving her your heart to break it but trusting her not to.
same goes for her,
giving you her heart means allowing you to break it and trusting you not to.
instead, she'll cherish it and protect it.
shouldn't you do the same thing as well?
that's love.
give her your heart, your life, your everything.
lay down your life and prepare to die for her when the need arises.
but stay strong and live through another day,
she can never live without you.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Gohae
Gohae Lyrics (Lovers / Yeonin Original Soundtrack)
Singer: Chi Yul/ Romanization by Kreah
ojji-ham-ni-kka
ottohke hal-kkayo
kamhi jega-kamhi
kunyo-rul sarang-hamnida
choyonghi
na juchana juchado mo-ru-ge
ijun chok sanda-nun kon
sarado chugun gomnida
sesange binando michyobo-il
mo-seub-domodu da alji-man
kuge duryo-jiman sarang-hamnida
odiye innayoje
yae-gi jongmal turrishinayo
kurom pi hallinun kayomsun
che sarangul / algo kyoshin-gayo
yoso-hae juseyo
bol ha-shindamyon cho badul-kkeyo
hona konyomanun
jege kunyo hanaman / hora-khae-chusoso
odiye innayoje
yae-gi jongmal turrishinayo
kurom pi hallinun kayomsun
che sarangul / algo kyoshin-gayo
yoso-hae juseyo
bol ha-shindamyon cho badul-kkeyo
hona konyomanun
jege kunyo hanaman / hora-khae-chusoso
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Everything - misia
you by chance during one of the times we passed by each other Isn't it wonderful that a miracle that I wished for Is right next to me Wanting to be with you, the time that we can't be together passes Slipping through the door, again I remember You laughing with that person My love, don't make me sad There are nights that I cry myself to sleep Don't look at the past, just look at me You're everything, you're everything I'm stronger than you think If you have kind lies for me, I don't need them All I want is you How long of a time can be called forever? I want to go to the endlessly far away future with you And peek at that day with you My love, hold me Like you always do in the midst of tender times Hold my hand and look only at the present You're everything, you're everything If I saw you even at the place that we parted Surely I would forgive you, on any night You're everything, you're everything I'm strong enough to dream of you Now let's bravely change the power of love You're everything, you're everything If I saw you even at the place that we parted The pain in my heart would always disappear You're everything, you're everything I'm stronger than you think If you have kind lies for me, I don't need them All I want is you You're eveything, you're everything You're eveything, my everything SENS
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Shape Run Results
Yup it's confirmed. My timing is 34mins something. My position in the 5km run is 261. hm....which means i'm faster than a few thousand people, yet i'm behind 260 people hehe...
Okay goal for next year? improve my timing plus be the top 200 positions? try lah..haha..
Okay goal for next year? improve my timing plus be the top 200 positions? try lah..haha..
Friday, September 14, 2007
My Shape Run Photo
It's quite an ugly shot but at least it capture me at the finishing line with my timing! :)
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Persistency of Gastric Flu
Took MC last monday because of gastric flu. It actually started with mild gastric pains last thursday. It did some sort of hide & seek. Eventually, it wore me down and i was pretty distrubed emotionally as well. Thus i decided to take leave to rest.
However, after days of taking medication, this problem still persisted. It got so bad today that i had to rush home to take my diahrrea medicine. Thus missing my opportunity to meet up with dor, uncle & sharon (our new kaki). I think i need to find time to visit my family doctor a second time.
What am i doing now? Resting my body but working my mind to death. Trying to catch up with all the things that i should've done during the week-long vacation. There is an array of documents to work on this weekend. Never ending.
As always, the start of a new term means a lot of administrative things to handle. Plus a few extra duties are scheduled for this week. Which means i'm overworked! Saturday is not let off as well. Going to the Science Centre for some lab work.
Met sandra there with her new bf, eric. Amazing how it is so coincidental that we get to meet her. I mean Singapore is not that big but still there are plenty of places to go to. Yet we happened to be at the same place & the same time.
I believe that a greater being is at work here. So fear not, we will get to meet the right person at the right time as well. It is possible!
However, after days of taking medication, this problem still persisted. It got so bad today that i had to rush home to take my diahrrea medicine. Thus missing my opportunity to meet up with dor, uncle & sharon (our new kaki). I think i need to find time to visit my family doctor a second time.
What am i doing now? Resting my body but working my mind to death. Trying to catch up with all the things that i should've done during the week-long vacation. There is an array of documents to work on this weekend. Never ending.
As always, the start of a new term means a lot of administrative things to handle. Plus a few extra duties are scheduled for this week. Which means i'm overworked! Saturday is not let off as well. Going to the Science Centre for some lab work.
Met sandra there with her new bf, eric. Amazing how it is so coincidental that we get to meet her. I mean Singapore is not that big but still there are plenty of places to go to. Yet we happened to be at the same place & the same time.
I believe that a greater being is at work here. So fear not, we will get to meet the right person at the right time as well. It is possible!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
I'VE DONE IT!!
YIPPEEE!!!!
I've completed my first ever proper mass run!!! Shape Run happened today 9 September 2007 early in the morning at around 7.45am for 5km runners like me. :)
I think i finished it around half an hour!! What's a big accomplishment is that i've managed to run/jog/briskwalk non-stop all the way to the finishing line! Aiya so embrassing when i dash to the finishing line and slowed down. Only to find out that the actual one is still another 10+metres away haha... damn malu xia.. Plus i think the photographers managed to take a shot or two of me. So i hope to find it soon tmw on nike's website.
What's also amazing is that i managed to jog my way ahead of thousands of people! Yippeee! I'm always panting after jogging awhile on my own and didn't think i would survive. But for today that panting and blisters only happened after about 3km! Wow! I was so impressed that i even thought of sprinting to the finishing line. Of course my lungs couldn't take it lah. So i simply aimed for the best my body can achieve.
BListers were taken care of by Jesus, cause i've asked Mother Mary to help me ah..I told Jesus i can handle the panting, just don't let the blisters stop me kay. Remove the pain. Wah i said the hail mary all the way to the finishing line. Yup managed to ignore the pain for the longest time.
Plus I was saved from a major accident today by God. Guess if there was a collision i could've died. Haiz.. Was so lost in Shenton deciding what to do with my time. Go library or karoke or what? So spinning around and trying to find my way to the library eventually. I suddenly recognise the way and had to quickly change lane to turn right. I saw the green light and just went ahead. Wahlau! A car was heading straight for me but managed to avoid colliding with me. It happened so fast that i didn't even have the chance to see it.
Haiz.. It's likely that the car dashed the red lights. After that i just told God, i've used up my miracles allowances for the day. I will gladly accepted whatever shit that comes my way for the rest of the day. Coz i'm just appreciative that i'm kept safe from harm and heafty car repair.
Anyway I'm always aware of the vehicles and traffic conditions around me one. That's how i managed to 'save' that motorcyclist that time on the CTE. Using my superhero's special senses hehe.. But somehow been so preoccupied with what to do that i kind of took road conditions for granted lah.
I've completed my first ever proper mass run!!! Shape Run happened today 9 September 2007 early in the morning at around 7.45am for 5km runners like me. :)
I think i finished it around half an hour!! What's a big accomplishment is that i've managed to run/jog/briskwalk non-stop all the way to the finishing line! Aiya so embrassing when i dash to the finishing line and slowed down. Only to find out that the actual one is still another 10+metres away haha... damn malu xia.. Plus i think the photographers managed to take a shot or two of me. So i hope to find it soon tmw on nike's website.
What's also amazing is that i managed to jog my way ahead of thousands of people! Yippeee! I'm always panting after jogging awhile on my own and didn't think i would survive. But for today that panting and blisters only happened after about 3km! Wow! I was so impressed that i even thought of sprinting to the finishing line. Of course my lungs couldn't take it lah. So i simply aimed for the best my body can achieve.
BListers were taken care of by Jesus, cause i've asked Mother Mary to help me ah..I told Jesus i can handle the panting, just don't let the blisters stop me kay. Remove the pain. Wah i said the hail mary all the way to the finishing line. Yup managed to ignore the pain for the longest time.
Plus I was saved from a major accident today by God. Guess if there was a collision i could've died. Haiz.. Was so lost in Shenton deciding what to do with my time. Go library or karoke or what? So spinning around and trying to find my way to the library eventually. I suddenly recognise the way and had to quickly change lane to turn right. I saw the green light and just went ahead. Wahlau! A car was heading straight for me but managed to avoid colliding with me. It happened so fast that i didn't even have the chance to see it.
Haiz.. It's likely that the car dashed the red lights. After that i just told God, i've used up my miracles allowances for the day. I will gladly accepted whatever shit that comes my way for the rest of the day. Coz i'm just appreciative that i'm kept safe from harm and heafty car repair.
Anyway I'm always aware of the vehicles and traffic conditions around me one. That's how i managed to 'save' that motorcyclist that time on the CTE. Using my superhero's special senses hehe.. But somehow been so preoccupied with what to do that i kind of took road conditions for granted lah.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
I'm A Sinner!
As if the number of sins i've committed is not enough, i've added another bigger one to the pile. For the first time ever since i've got baptised, I've missed my weekend mass!
Started off with flu that made me so sick that i had trouble getting out of bed. so i decided not to go to the pocession of Mother Mary and instead go for regular evening mass at sfx. Tried to play some online multiplayer bridge and kenna 'tekkan' by some irritating idiot who was a super hostile busy body. He wouldn't let me off and kept finding me to message me some nonsense. I gave up since my first try at this cause so much trouble.
Then when my flu got better after some rest and medication, i decided to go novena after all. I managed to reach there slightly before 6pm but the entrances were sealed off liao. I tried my luck anyway and asked the marshals there for help. Well, the people gathering outside were so terrible!
Since i had to make my way to the front to get to the marshals, i've no choice but to be thick-skinned abit and say alot of 'excuse me' & 'sorry' to get through. However, alot of these people were so bad as to say 'NO!' & 'What are you trying to do?" of course all delivered in a really nasty manner, accompanied by stares and some purposeful elbowings.
Of course, my faith & will that day was really damn low, i gave up and left. Only to find out later, that they opened up the entrances after a while! Nevermind, i was already at changi beach enjoying the planes and scenic view. Was feeling my 'downest'! Rejections and some bad discoveries left me pretty suicidal. Of course i wouldn't do silly things like that. But then it was really that bad.
Thankfully uncle's sms accompanied me through-out as usual. I'm really thankful. She even made efforts to arrange to meet up and accompany me. Also give in to my whims & wills.. hm..right words or not. .. that day.. Wasn't in the mood to put up with any shit and nonsense.. however i must praise myself for being able to tahan some things that really pissed me off later that night. Of course, it all comes from the Lord. Else i would've already done worse damages.
Dor has been very supportive also. When she heard the story from uncle, she sms me something that somehow made my day seem brighter. It is nice to know that i'm not alone in going through this. Not only that, i reached my financial desperation state. She helped me out and even offered to top up my petrol. Wahlau! Where else can i find another friend like that in the world!
Realised they both have become like my family liao. Can't do without them. As important as my family. Congrats to both of you on your new stats in my love list :)
(hee.. i know i BHB.. buai hiao bai..not shy=arrogant..just trying to joke in a dry way k..)
...Just say the word and i shall be healed...Well, so i'm now a bigger sinner coz i wasn't healed over the weekend. A miserable sunday it was. How i missed my mass? well ...don't blame others lah.. blame myself for not being patient enough to stay around at novena church lor. But i must say what led to that.
Started off with flu that made me so sick that i had trouble getting out of bed. so i decided not to go to the pocession of Mother Mary and instead go for regular evening mass at sfx. Tried to play some online multiplayer bridge and kenna 'tekkan' by some irritating idiot who was a super hostile busy body. He wouldn't let me off and kept finding me to message me some nonsense. I gave up since my first try at this cause so much trouble.
Then when my flu got better after some rest and medication, i decided to go novena after all. I managed to reach there slightly before 6pm but the entrances were sealed off liao. I tried my luck anyway and asked the marshals there for help. Well, the people gathering outside were so terrible!
Since i had to make my way to the front to get to the marshals, i've no choice but to be thick-skinned abit and say alot of 'excuse me' & 'sorry' to get through. However, alot of these people were so bad as to say 'NO!' & 'What are you trying to do?" of course all delivered in a really nasty manner, accompanied by stares and some purposeful elbowings.
Of course, my faith & will that day was really damn low, i gave up and left. Only to find out later, that they opened up the entrances after a while! Nevermind, i was already at changi beach enjoying the planes and scenic view. Was feeling my 'downest'! Rejections and some bad discoveries left me pretty suicidal. Of course i wouldn't do silly things like that. But then it was really that bad.
Thankfully uncle's sms accompanied me through-out as usual. I'm really thankful. She even made efforts to arrange to meet up and accompany me. Also give in to my whims & wills.. hm..right words or not. .. that day.. Wasn't in the mood to put up with any shit and nonsense.. however i must praise myself for being able to tahan some things that really pissed me off later that night. Of course, it all comes from the Lord. Else i would've already done worse damages.
Dor has been very supportive also. When she heard the story from uncle, she sms me something that somehow made my day seem brighter. It is nice to know that i'm not alone in going through this. Not only that, i reached my financial desperation state. She helped me out and even offered to top up my petrol. Wahlau! Where else can i find another friend like that in the world!
Realised they both have become like my family liao. Can't do without them. As important as my family. Congrats to both of you on your new stats in my love list :)
(hee.. i know i BHB.. buai hiao bai..not shy=arrogant..just trying to joke in a dry way k..)
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Change of Addresses
Hey if you can see this means you've found my new blog address :)
Due to some unwanted attention to my old address, i decided to change it. Attention from whom? Well, some bastard in particular. No prize for guessing it right coz you will get it with one try anyway.
I know it's not much change. i mean if you're really determined to get to my blog, you will probably try a few variations and get it pretty soon. haha..
Long story.. i will just let this sit out for a while first before i figure if it's safe to blog yet.
May have to change to something drastically different if need be..
Friday, August 31, 2007
SIAN OREDI !
I've lost my interest in blog. I've been avoiding internet again. I've made a vow to myself not to look at certain sites again ever! It takes great restraining and will power to stay away from it. Thus the resulting action and the lost of interest in updating my blog.
I'm depressed again. I'm doing my driving rounds again. So much so mum said it's another new addiction for me. I got angry at first but realised later that she was right. It is making up for some other forms of actions that i would've taken back when i was 10 years younger.
I've been thinking some things and i'm so hurt by the conclusions i've been making. I've been so distracted by them thoughts that i've been rather absent-minded. Things are no longer connect in my head and i will often say the obvious.
I'm still not ready to share them cause they are still rather raw and hurting. I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do to share them here. I've been brooding over it for sometime and still need somemore to come to terms with it.
I'm depressed again. I'm doing my driving rounds again. So much so mum said it's another new addiction for me. I got angry at first but realised later that she was right. It is making up for some other forms of actions that i would've taken back when i was 10 years younger.
I've been thinking some things and i'm so hurt by the conclusions i've been making. I've been so distracted by them thoughts that i've been rather absent-minded. Things are no longer connect in my head and i will often say the obvious.
I'm still not ready to share them cause they are still rather raw and hurting. I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do to share them here. I've been brooding over it for sometime and still need somemore to come to terms with it.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Yet Another Saturday (A VERY LONG Entry)
I zombied the whole day. My care was exposed to rain & shine. The grass beneath it had no chance to photosynthesize. The wallet I bought for my favorite cousin’s was slowly deteriorating away in it wrapping in the glove compartment.
Woke with determination to fill my day with various fun activities and yet as my fingers touched the keyboard, it withered away. I’ve always acknowledged I’m a weak-minded creature so it’s so easy to sway me.
Work on the school’s notebook soon wore me down. I gave up updating my work review and entered the world wide web to browse pages hoping to brighten up my day. Read up all the latest on friends on their Blogs, Friendster, MySpace and various email accounts.
Somehow, I ran out of interesting pages to view. I got curious and soon went to a page that I’ve been avoiding since the day I discovered it. Something that caused all the fits-like reactions a few weeks back.
That was the even that put me off the net for more than a week. I received a thrashing from my beloved sister who asked a simple question which I had difficulty answering then.
“Why are you still reacting to it at all, after so long?”
Yes, damn it! Why am I indeed?! Thus my sub-conscious ban of all access to the Spartan space that contained all the information in the world. I didn’t even use it at work. Many important emails got ignored and yet I was unconcerned.
I only realized much later when I saw the date of my blog’s last entry. I figured it was a good thing that my brain did that on its own. It helped. Both my sister’s elaborated exclamations and the band. I’ve accepted some more facts.
Dealing with things came in the form of a Korean drama I borrowed from my best friend in school. “Foxy Lady” is the title. Doesn’t really matter what the whole story is all about. The feelings and openness of affection shown in the show replicated my past somehow.
I’ve finally sort-of finished watching it today. Yes, that’s how my day was spent. Drama-chasing. I lazed in bed tearing to the unfolding storyline. I’ve no inspiration to go out whatsoever. I didn’t care that I’m spending a day typical of a spinster’s. That I’m dateless/friendless on a Saturday.
The boredom ended finally when I decided, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I need to feel alive again! Even if I had to do the same routine!
So here I am now at West Coast Park’s McDonalds. AGAIN! Writing my blog entry on an outdated diary which I bought in KLCC’s Times bookshop in Dec 2005. it was supposed to be a close friend’s Christmas gift. But seeing that she has got one similar gift already and her other friends bought her even better stuff, I chose to not to give it.
For the first time, plenty of people here at WCP. The car park was full. A lot of BBQ-ing, people chatting with friends. I almost left because I couldn’t find a single table. Maybe it’s the first time I’m here on a Saturday. I brought my magazines along, planning to read but couldn’t resist the need to write.
I was at Marina South before this. I wanted to play games at the arcade. As usual the young crowd around there made me very aware of the number of years since I came into existence. I felt as if my age was tattooed onto my forehead. I left
Now I recall how I felt when I was single that last time. Comfortable, peaceful and yet that restless, hopeless and frustrated feeling. Difference now is that I’ve got a set of wheels to get me away. A hell lot of difference! What worse than being restless, penniless and then stuck at home in the middle of the night? I totally understand that feeling, my friend. I count myself lucky.
Did you know how I had a perfectly drivable car waiting at the car park for me everyday? Yet I couldn’t drive it? That was bad. I lost count of the times I’ve thought of driving it. There were a few times that I was determined enough to be sitting behind the steering wheel and started the engine but didn't move it a single inch.
I’m talking so much about it cause I’m reliving it now. With a car, without any ‘spare tyres’ aka back-up boyfriends or any friends at all. Those are the three main differences. I did consider asking people out. Firstly, there weren’t many I could call. Also, I didn’t want any of their company. I just wanted some alone time.. maybe to reflect.
SEE? I’m still a loner. I serious think that I’m going bonkers! I will soon need to join that special hospital at Hougang. Work is the only distraction/antidote/inspiration for going on. Therefore for once, I’m actually running out of things to mark.
In my life, things work like this:
Nadah! Backspace all that! Redo.
Now back to my reading or maybe my driving trip which is WAY overdue.
Woke with determination to fill my day with various fun activities and yet as my fingers touched the keyboard, it withered away. I’ve always acknowledged I’m a weak-minded creature so it’s so easy to sway me.
Work on the school’s notebook soon wore me down. I gave up updating my work review and entered the world wide web to browse pages hoping to brighten up my day. Read up all the latest on friends on their Blogs, Friendster, MySpace and various email accounts.
Somehow, I ran out of interesting pages to view. I got curious and soon went to a page that I’ve been avoiding since the day I discovered it. Something that caused all the fits-like reactions a few weeks back.
That was the even that put me off the net for more than a week. I received a thrashing from my beloved sister who asked a simple question which I had difficulty answering then.
“Why are you still reacting to it at all, after so long?”
Yes, damn it! Why am I indeed?! Thus my sub-conscious ban of all access to the Spartan space that contained all the information in the world. I didn’t even use it at work. Many important emails got ignored and yet I was unconcerned.
I only realized much later when I saw the date of my blog’s last entry. I figured it was a good thing that my brain did that on its own. It helped. Both my sister’s elaborated exclamations and the band. I’ve accepted some more facts.
Dealing with things came in the form of a Korean drama I borrowed from my best friend in school. “Foxy Lady” is the title. Doesn’t really matter what the whole story is all about. The feelings and openness of affection shown in the show replicated my past somehow.
I’ve finally sort-of finished watching it today. Yes, that’s how my day was spent. Drama-chasing. I lazed in bed tearing to the unfolding storyline. I’ve no inspiration to go out whatsoever. I didn’t care that I’m spending a day typical of a spinster’s. That I’m dateless/friendless on a Saturday.
The boredom ended finally when I decided, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I need to feel alive again! Even if I had to do the same routine!
So here I am now at West Coast Park’s McDonalds. AGAIN! Writing my blog entry on an outdated diary which I bought in KLCC’s Times bookshop in Dec 2005. it was supposed to be a close friend’s Christmas gift. But seeing that she has got one similar gift already and her other friends bought her even better stuff, I chose to not to give it.
For the first time, plenty of people here at WCP. The car park was full. A lot of BBQ-ing, people chatting with friends. I almost left because I couldn’t find a single table. Maybe it’s the first time I’m here on a Saturday. I brought my magazines along, planning to read but couldn’t resist the need to write.
I was at Marina South before this. I wanted to play games at the arcade. As usual the young crowd around there made me very aware of the number of years since I came into existence. I felt as if my age was tattooed onto my forehead. I left
Now I recall how I felt when I was single that last time. Comfortable, peaceful and yet that restless, hopeless and frustrated feeling. Difference now is that I’ve got a set of wheels to get me away. A hell lot of difference! What worse than being restless, penniless and then stuck at home in the middle of the night? I totally understand that feeling, my friend. I count myself lucky.
Did you know how I had a perfectly drivable car waiting at the car park for me everyday? Yet I couldn’t drive it? That was bad. I lost count of the times I’ve thought of driving it. There were a few times that I was determined enough to be sitting behind the steering wheel and started the engine but didn't move it a single inch.
I’m talking so much about it cause I’m reliving it now. With a car, without any ‘spare tyres’ aka back-up boyfriends or any friends at all. Those are the three main differences. I did consider asking people out. Firstly, there weren’t many I could call. Also, I didn’t want any of their company. I just wanted some alone time.. maybe to reflect.
SEE? I’m still a loner. I serious think that I’m going bonkers! I will soon need to join that special hospital at Hougang. Work is the only distraction/antidote/inspiration for going on. Therefore for once, I’m actually running out of things to mark.
In my life, things work like this:
“Good Love Life = Bad Work Life”
Nadah! Backspace all that! Redo.
“Good Love Life = Bad EVERYTHING in Life”
Now back to my reading or maybe my driving trip which is WAY overdue.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
DNA Test - Concerned Thinker
You are a Thinker
Your cautiousness, appreciation of functionality, and imagination combine to make you a THINKER.
You have a vivid capacity for imagery that allows you to see beyond your present circumstances.
You like to be sure of yourself before voicing your opinion.
A lot of your time is spent at home, or with the people you care about.
Although you may dream often, you're very aware of how things work, and you value things that work well.
You take comfort in the familiar, and value predictability—and others value those things in you.
Accordingly, you prefer a set routine, and although you often imagine how things can be different, you're hesitant to take risks to change things.
Sometimes you doubt whether you have the ability to face certain challenges, but your practical focus helps you solve most problems.
Because of this, you tend to be more reactive than proactive, thinking thoroughly about the challenges that you face.
You have a broad-based, theoretical understanding of the world that allows you to understand its workings.
You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.
You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.
You tend to believe that things happen for a reason, and that not everything is under our control.
If you want to be different:
Try indulging your imagination a bit more by experiencing new and different things.
Have a little more faith in your capacity to do things—turn your thoughts into actions!
how you relate to others
You are Concerned
Your understanding of others' emotions, your sense of right and wrong, and your skeptical nature make you CONCERNED.
Your observations of your environment, in concert with your clearly defined worldview, leads you to be aware of the feelings of others.
Because you can read people well, and because you can understand their feelings, you are often bothered by others' insensitive behavior.
While you appreciate others' emotional nature, you don't think their emotional concerns should take precedence over their obligations to society.
You prefer to be in smaller groups, as big groups can occasionally get out of hand.
Order and structure are somewhat important to you—you believe that people's feelings are better protected when others are respectful and follow certain societal guidelines.
You tend to share your feelings with a few individuals who are close with you, but otherwise you are a somewhat private person.
If you want to be different:
Let your caring nature allow you to put more trust in people in general—you can have more faith in them without losing your valuable skepticism.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Uncle's Gift from LISS at Risen Christ
I didn't go for last monday's LISS/charismatic movement at Risen Christ for the baptism of the holy spirit. That was the day i went A&E at Changi Hospital. Guess what i missed out.
Uncle went there and was alone by herself cause dor is one of the facilitators who are helping to ensure things go smoothly. Amazingly uncle spoke in tongue! She didnt' realised until the lady sitting next to her told her so. Wow! So wonderful! She's not even baptised & already blessed by the holy spirit with this gift of tongues!
This leads me to think about my experience in LISS, i've not received any gifts maybe because i'm not so open to accept like uncle is. She can just give in totally to the Lord. Opened up her heart to God. It's so beautiful.
I'm still waiting, Lord...
Uncle went there and was alone by herself cause dor is one of the facilitators who are helping to ensure things go smoothly. Amazingly uncle spoke in tongue! She didnt' realised until the lady sitting next to her told her so. Wow! So wonderful! She's not even baptised & already blessed by the holy spirit with this gift of tongues!
This leads me to think about my experience in LISS, i've not received any gifts maybe because i'm not so open to accept like uncle is. She can just give in totally to the Lord. Opened up her heart to God. It's so beautiful.
I'm still waiting, Lord...
Stress Management??
Today we attended a talk that was supposed to be about stress managment. After a quick 5 minutes explaination about what stress is all about, the presenter very sneakly went into health & before we can say "HUH?" she was talking about reflexalogy. That's when i realised that it could protentially be a sales talk.
We didn't even have the time to ponder that thought, when she dropped a electronic plate on our laps and asked us to put both our palms flat on it. WAH! Torture! Can sue them anot? Bloody current running like mad xia! All of us screaming maciam childbirth like that! My friends who are mothers said more painful than childbirth! Say alot of things lah like which finger doesn't move means which part no good. Guess what was my results???
All my fingers didn't move in the beginning at all!! Finally after 15 minutes of torture, 3 of my fingers on both hands started twitching nonstop. But since my index fingers curled up, it means my colon/digestive system has problem. My heart, lungs & liver got problem too. hm.. you go guess lah if it's accurate or not lah hehe...When i finally lift my hands from it, my palms look like it was drenched in water. MY sweat lah! Aiyo, the presentater said my detox system good lah so fast got it out. Then something about cancer! wahlau i almost fainted!
YES, it was a sale talk, they advertise that machine and the price?? Not cheap. SGD390!!! One lady actually bought it. Haiz..
Anyway, the experience stayed with me throughout the whole day even til now, my fingers are still twitching every now & then, trembling most of the time. Had a sudden attack of gastric even though i ate. Sudden sharp crunching pain in my chest nearer my left side, probably mimic heart attack. All those happened about 6 hours after that 'treatment'.
Maybe i do have some health issues...hm...
We didn't even have the time to ponder that thought, when she dropped a electronic plate on our laps and asked us to put both our palms flat on it. WAH! Torture! Can sue them anot? Bloody current running like mad xia! All of us screaming maciam childbirth like that! My friends who are mothers said more painful than childbirth! Say alot of things lah like which finger doesn't move means which part no good. Guess what was my results???
All my fingers didn't move in the beginning at all!! Finally after 15 minutes of torture, 3 of my fingers on both hands started twitching nonstop. But since my index fingers curled up, it means my colon/digestive system has problem. My heart, lungs & liver got problem too. hm.. you go guess lah if it's accurate or not lah hehe...When i finally lift my hands from it, my palms look like it was drenched in water. MY sweat lah! Aiyo, the presentater said my detox system good lah so fast got it out. Then something about cancer! wahlau i almost fainted!
YES, it was a sale talk, they advertise that machine and the price?? Not cheap. SGD390!!! One lady actually bought it. Haiz..
Anyway, the experience stayed with me throughout the whole day even til now, my fingers are still twitching every now & then, trembling most of the time. Had a sudden attack of gastric even though i ate. Sudden sharp crunching pain in my chest nearer my left side, probably mimic heart attack. All those happened about 6 hours after that 'treatment'.
Maybe i do have some health issues...hm...
Monday, August 13, 2007
A Day of Bad Karma...
I was so clumsy today. My elbow 'lang-gar' (hit) the edge of a wooden cabinet. The impact was so bad that i crouched down in pain and couldn't move my whole arm for a few minutes. Didn't realise that there was an open wound til i saw the blood later. I was thinking really hard if i should go A&E incase it's a fracture. So since it hurt the whole day & i've got this really bad flu , i decided to go after school has ended, just to check it out. Hit two birds with one stone.
I was about to turn towards TTSH (Tan Tock Seng Hospital) when i remembered that the wait there is very long, so i turn back into CTE/PIE to go to CGH (Changi General Hospital). In case you're wonder about the driving, yes i drove myself there and it's not a problem cause i usually drive with one hand. Anyway i could still move my injured arm, just not so strong. So i'm not endangering myself or other fellow road users.
I told the previewing nurse/doctor about my injury. Somehow she progressed to asking if i've been overseas in the past month. Wah she's really GOOD! She detected that i was sick even though the temperature check at the entrance said i was okay! WOW! That's observant & experienced! Even asked if i've came into contact with any live chickens in Malaysia. I straight away answered no lah. But then started to doubt my answer. haha.. coz Malaysia got farms mah! haha.. Anyway i was forced to wear a mask & sent into the partitioned fever-patients waiting area. Maciam promoted or demoted depending on how you see it. Felt like an animal in a cage.
Now when it was my turn to see the A&E doctor, it got interesting or NOT. Doc said my elbow is okay & if i want x-ray..can..but have to wait very long. So since doc said okay means i'm okay lor. But instead he treated me for my fever/flu/cough.. Then he said, "30 years old...erm Are you really 30 years old? You don't like you're 30!" wahhhaha! I couldn't stop smiling inside haha.. I said yup i am, thank you. hiak! So cool right? No! I was so sick & couldn't be bother to say more! He asked what i'm working as, where, about the job, about his teacher friends..etc..
If it's been many years back, i would've been shocked at the kind of behaviour the doctor is showing. However after going through so many doctors in all the various departments who are mostly newbies (Coz subsidized mah! So won't get to see Senior Consultants one lah), I've concluded that it's the 'in' style of establishing doctor-patient rapport. Even one super old Senior Consultant that i'm seeing at Skin Centre is doing that too. So the next time you get farney questions/comments from doctors, don't freak out kay! It's the norm. They're just trying to make the patient feel good after their consultation.
Why bother? Coz if you noticed, those doctors who bothered to listen and talk paitently with us are the ones are have super long queues/waiting time & earning big bucks. They want to Super overcharge people (probably to cut down the queue) & yet the crowd keeps on growing! The doctor-cum-aunt/uncle agony will listen to you, give you all the answers to all questions that you been asking & desperate to know/be acknowledged! Isn't that therapeutic enough to cure you?!
I can easily name 2 family doctors of mine who have climb up that path to become 'invincible' doctors! Let's just say they are holistic doctors okay. They know that our hearts & minds come into play when we talk about healing. They treat the patient as a whole & not symptoms by symptoms.
That's how religion works too. By healing the heart & mind, the body will heal too. So if you're seeking alternative treatments, don't forget to try unloading your burden to God. For those interested, you can always join dor on Mondays from 7.30 til 10pm at Risen Christ with her charismatic group. It's the best/most powerful form (that i know lah) of worshiping in the Catholic Faith.
I was about to turn towards TTSH (Tan Tock Seng Hospital) when i remembered that the wait there is very long, so i turn back into CTE/PIE to go to CGH (Changi General Hospital). In case you're wonder about the driving, yes i drove myself there and it's not a problem cause i usually drive with one hand. Anyway i could still move my injured arm, just not so strong. So i'm not endangering myself or other fellow road users.
I told the previewing nurse/doctor about my injury. Somehow she progressed to asking if i've been overseas in the past month. Wah she's really GOOD! She detected that i was sick even though the temperature check at the entrance said i was okay! WOW! That's observant & experienced! Even asked if i've came into contact with any live chickens in Malaysia. I straight away answered no lah. But then started to doubt my answer. haha.. coz Malaysia got farms mah! haha.. Anyway i was forced to wear a mask & sent into the partitioned fever-patients waiting area. Maciam promoted or demoted depending on how you see it. Felt like an animal in a cage.
Now when it was my turn to see the A&E doctor, it got interesting or NOT. Doc said my elbow is okay & if i want x-ray..can..but have to wait very long. So since doc said okay means i'm okay lor. But instead he treated me for my fever/flu/cough.. Then he said, "30 years old...erm Are you really 30 years old? You don't like you're 30!" wahhhaha! I couldn't stop smiling inside haha.. I said yup i am, thank you. hiak! So cool right? No! I was so sick & couldn't be bother to say more! He asked what i'm working as, where, about the job, about his teacher friends..etc..
If it's been many years back, i would've been shocked at the kind of behaviour the doctor is showing. However after going through so many doctors in all the various departments who are mostly newbies (Coz subsidized mah! So won't get to see Senior Consultants one lah), I've concluded that it's the 'in' style of establishing doctor-patient rapport. Even one super old Senior Consultant that i'm seeing at Skin Centre is doing that too. So the next time you get farney questions/comments from doctors, don't freak out kay! It's the norm. They're just trying to make the patient feel good after their consultation.
Why bother? Coz if you noticed, those doctors who bothered to listen and talk paitently with us are the ones are have super long queues/waiting time & earning big bucks. They want to Super overcharge people (probably to cut down the queue) & yet the crowd keeps on growing! The doctor-cum-aunt/uncle agony will listen to you, give you all the answers to all questions that you been asking & desperate to know/be acknowledged! Isn't that therapeutic enough to cure you?!
I can easily name 2 family doctors of mine who have climb up that path to become 'invincible' doctors! Let's just say they are holistic doctors okay. They know that our hearts & minds come into play when we talk about healing. They treat the patient as a whole & not symptoms by symptoms.
That's how religion works too. By healing the heart & mind, the body will heal too. So if you're seeking alternative treatments, don't forget to try unloading your burden to God. For those interested, you can always join dor on Mondays from 7.30 til 10pm at Risen Christ with her charismatic group. It's the best/most powerful form (that i know lah) of worshiping in the Catholic Faith.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Family Trip
My mum just asked me if can ask my dad along ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reasons??????!!!!!!
1) Taxi no business on those 2 days
2) He very keen to go along
3) He can accompany my mum when i gamble
@$%#^%#& *grumbling*
Bohbian (no choice), i agreed lor. Already mum coming along no difference right?
I set my conditions for my dad:
1) Give me freedom to do whatever i want (including all vices)!
2) Don't say anything about driving throughout the drive!
My dad tend to like to be extra kiasi when it comes to driving. So that's the main reason why i requested for him NOT to come in the first place. That is why i get the chance to critisize other cabbies coz he's unlike them. However it comes at a price. Him always commenting. Especially when both my sister and i first got our licenses.
BTW, my sister would be coming along also IF not for the fact that she has a flight on that day. haha.. truely becoming totally unexpected xia!
Well, advantages about my dad coming along? Back-up driver and my mom's companion so that i can slip away and abandone my mum to gamble. Of course we cannot forget that now i have a bodyguard whose presence should deter any bad intentions from people over there. So think positive lor. That's what uncle said when i was so depressed about my mum going. Thanks uncle.
Let's get back to what these two days.
The dog run was amazing yesterday! Since i've had experience and i'm abit more at ease with some familiar faces (dogs' included!) hehe.. i enjoyed myself alot more! The route yesterday was a heck of a route xia! Forest trails all the way! Wah didn't even had the chance to think, just run along and make it through to the next clearing! So amazed when i realised 45mins had past and we're already back at the starting point! hehe..
Was a GREAT run and the food and beer was good because of the company! I missed my initiation, so had it yesterday in the circle. Had to drink from dog bowl!! WAHAHHHA! shocked xia! wanted to siam but yvonne didn't allow me to siam hha.a.
Her dog, Bond (Golden retriever) tried so many times to kiss me haha.. i even pat it while he was resting next to me. The other terrier, Hosay, was even cuter. Come to squeeze between cindy and i and happily leaning one my thigh. And you will just have all the dogs crowding around you whenever you're holding the curry! haha...
After i showered i thought of meeting uncle to hangout..but how dunnoe why suddenly i feel like i'm going to knockout any moment. So cancelled with uncle, then realised after a while i was starting to feel sick. Blocked nose, headache, sore throat and bodyaches. I actually wanted to sleep at arnd 8pm! Shocked right? Not? i am lor..i've been having insomia for some time liao..first time ever struggling to stay awake.
Anyway, feeling better today liao..But still slept for a few hours in the afternoon again today..just can't stay awake..no inspiration to go out because just too shagged. After those countless hours of sleep, i've became so bored and awake that i decided to go out this evening.. drove around and happened to pass by vivo at arnd 8.30..thought it was early and went there to window-shop (no $$$ okay)..then i changed my indonesia ruppiahs to SGD! wah now a bit more cash on hand, at least i don't feel as pathetic as before. Didn't buy anything lah! Money just to make me feel more secure and safe.
Then drove towards West Coast park again to sit at the Macdonalds to read up on malaysia. Since the gospel today got to me, i decided to read more about it. Colossians 2:6 onwards. Reminded me of my faith and life in christ. It's been a long time since any readings or gospel got to me..so i shared with dor and uncle. Amazingly uncle actually read! Very quickly as well! shocked xia so she said cause i never ever message her anything like that before lah.. i asked her to read that chapter btw. hee.. Go read if you have the time.. applicable to all sisters and brothers in christ.
Reasons??????!!!!!!
1) Taxi no business on those 2 days
2) He very keen to go along
3) He can accompany my mum when i gamble
@$%#^%#& *grumbling*
Bohbian (no choice), i agreed lor. Already mum coming along no difference right?
I set my conditions for my dad:
1) Give me freedom to do whatever i want (including all vices)!
2) Don't say anything about driving throughout the drive!
My dad tend to like to be extra kiasi when it comes to driving. So that's the main reason why i requested for him NOT to come in the first place. That is why i get the chance to critisize other cabbies coz he's unlike them. However it comes at a price. Him always commenting. Especially when both my sister and i first got our licenses.
BTW, my sister would be coming along also IF not for the fact that she has a flight on that day. haha.. truely becoming totally unexpected xia!
Well, advantages about my dad coming along? Back-up driver and my mom's companion so that i can slip away and abandone my mum to gamble. Of course we cannot forget that now i have a bodyguard whose presence should deter any bad intentions from people over there. So think positive lor. That's what uncle said when i was so depressed about my mum going. Thanks uncle.
Let's get back to what these two days.
The dog run was amazing yesterday! Since i've had experience and i'm abit more at ease with some familiar faces (dogs' included!) hehe.. i enjoyed myself alot more! The route yesterday was a heck of a route xia! Forest trails all the way! Wah didn't even had the chance to think, just run along and make it through to the next clearing! So amazed when i realised 45mins had past and we're already back at the starting point! hehe..
Was a GREAT run and the food and beer was good because of the company! I missed my initiation, so had it yesterday in the circle. Had to drink from dog bowl!! WAHAHHHA! shocked xia! wanted to siam but yvonne didn't allow me to siam hha.a.
Her dog, Bond (Golden retriever) tried so many times to kiss me haha.. i even pat it while he was resting next to me. The other terrier, Hosay, was even cuter. Come to squeeze between cindy and i and happily leaning one my thigh. And you will just have all the dogs crowding around you whenever you're holding the curry! haha...
After i showered i thought of meeting uncle to hangout..but how dunnoe why suddenly i feel like i'm going to knockout any moment. So cancelled with uncle, then realised after a while i was starting to feel sick. Blocked nose, headache, sore throat and bodyaches. I actually wanted to sleep at arnd 8pm! Shocked right? Not? i am lor..i've been having insomia for some time liao..first time ever struggling to stay awake.
Anyway, feeling better today liao..But still slept for a few hours in the afternoon again today..just can't stay awake..no inspiration to go out because just too shagged. After those countless hours of sleep, i've became so bored and awake that i decided to go out this evening.. drove around and happened to pass by vivo at arnd 8.30..thought it was early and went there to window-shop (no $$$ okay)..then i changed my indonesia ruppiahs to SGD! wah now a bit more cash on hand, at least i don't feel as pathetic as before. Didn't buy anything lah! Money just to make me feel more secure and safe.
Then drove towards West Coast park again to sit at the Macdonalds to read up on malaysia. Since the gospel today got to me, i decided to read more about it. Colossians 2:6 onwards. Reminded me of my faith and life in christ. It's been a long time since any readings or gospel got to me..so i shared with dor and uncle. Amazingly uncle actually read! Very quickly as well! shocked xia so she said cause i never ever message her anything like that before lah.. i asked her to read that chapter btw. hee.. Go read if you have the time.. applicable to all sisters and brothers in christ.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Finalised Plans
My mom insisted on going Genting with me. I have no money at all. Thus i've reluntantly agreed to it. Took me a week to decide coz it means i won't get to enjoy my drive up north. However she can tahan my tantrums so okay lah. Even changed money liao. now i'm rm500 richer haha.. coz of my mom lor. So it has its benefits lah. At least now i don't have to worry about running out of cash over there. I always have my mum as instant ATM machine hehe.. Very bad hor but boh bian..So i decided i will eventually make a trip by myself there ... at the end of the year when i get my bonus and i'm not dying (financially).
First time since i restarted my blogging that i've not had a entry for a week. Why leh? Currently only dor, uncle & my sister knows what happened last sunday. I don't wish to talk about it here either. So if you're really keen to know, ask me personally.. really stupid lah..no big deal actually.. just that it affected me so much. Was so shocked that i was shaking all over and it was a little like fits. But i'm alright, nothing physically wrong with me. Just plain simple shock reaction.
Just went to the zoo yesterday. I was a bit kapoh(busybody) thus went round to check that every one has returned to the entrance to board the buses. Couldn't find them, was at the other end of the zoo and it was time to head back to school, so i RAN like a mad woman back to the entrance. First time doing that! haha.. i'm amazed i made it .. only to find out all of them were back! wahkao..at least i worked out a little haha.. at the zoo, no less.. :)
Going for my dog run in a few hours time. This time at mandai! haha.. 2nd time there this week liao! This time round all of my colleagues are running with me (two missed out the last time cause they were the ones who laid the route and were too tired). Bought my 'super cheap' bata shoes to be thrown away anytime when it's too dirty. Got ready my long socks 2 haha.. this time i'm prepared. But then just heard from another guy who went for one of the runs that he swim across a river!! THAT i'm not prepared for haha.. so see how lah. Anyway i will be wearing my sports bra inside so can double as bikini top? hhee....
First time since i restarted my blogging that i've not had a entry for a week. Why leh? Currently only dor, uncle & my sister knows what happened last sunday. I don't wish to talk about it here either. So if you're really keen to know, ask me personally.. really stupid lah..no big deal actually.. just that it affected me so much. Was so shocked that i was shaking all over and it was a little like fits. But i'm alright, nothing physically wrong with me. Just plain simple shock reaction.
Just went to the zoo yesterday. I was a bit kapoh(busybody) thus went round to check that every one has returned to the entrance to board the buses. Couldn't find them, was at the other end of the zoo and it was time to head back to school, so i RAN like a mad woman back to the entrance. First time doing that! haha.. i'm amazed i made it .. only to find out all of them were back! wahkao..at least i worked out a little haha.. at the zoo, no less.. :)
Going for my dog run in a few hours time. This time at mandai! haha.. 2nd time there this week liao! This time round all of my colleagues are running with me (two missed out the last time cause they were the ones who laid the route and were too tired). Bought my 'super cheap' bata shoes to be thrown away anytime when it's too dirty. Got ready my long socks 2 haha.. this time i'm prepared. But then just heard from another guy who went for one of the runs that he swim across a river!! THAT i'm not prepared for haha.. so see how lah. Anyway i will be wearing my sports bra inside so can double as bikini top? hhee....
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Amendments to Genting Trip
Latest news!
After various changes and all, i've decided not to go Genting with sandra and her guy friend. I'm simply not comfortable with that fellow. Need to pick him up and all. So troublesome and later in the trip got more requests how? so better not lah. I will be able to enjoy my trip more if i go myself or even with my mom.
Like i mentioned before, my main enjoyment of the trip to genting (thus the multiple journey up north) is because of the drive along the north south highway. I think i will be happiest driving up by myself, with nobody to entertain. With james, i could do that. Think only other people i can do that with are uncle and my mom. So since the whole objective of it is to make-up for the missed malaysia holiday back in june, i will do anything to ensure that i truely ENJOY it.
So for now, 3 options:
1) Travel with mom
2) Travel myself
3) Don't go at all (watch NDP lor..)
I'm seriously interested in option 2, but since my mom know about the trip now, i might not even have that option at all.
So pending still...
After various changes and all, i've decided not to go Genting with sandra and her guy friend. I'm simply not comfortable with that fellow. Need to pick him up and all. So troublesome and later in the trip got more requests how? so better not lah. I will be able to enjoy my trip more if i go myself or even with my mom.
Like i mentioned before, my main enjoyment of the trip to genting (thus the multiple journey up north) is because of the drive along the north south highway. I think i will be happiest driving up by myself, with nobody to entertain. With james, i could do that. Think only other people i can do that with are uncle and my mom. So since the whole objective of it is to make-up for the missed malaysia holiday back in june, i will do anything to ensure that i truely ENJOY it.
So for now, 3 options:
1) Travel with mom
2) Travel myself
3) Don't go at all (watch NDP lor..)
I'm seriously interested in option 2, but since my mom know about the trip now, i might not even have that option at all.
So pending still...
Saturday, July 28, 2007
I Saved A Man Today
Or if you are one of those who like to see that your cup is half empty, I nearly KILLED a man today.
It all depends on your point of view of the event that happened today. Well, it goes like this...
It's one of those rare times I actually can't be bothered to race along the right-most lane on the expressway. I was too early for my appointment to meet Carolyn, so I idled along the middle lane at turtle-speed on the CTE towards the town.
Just as I was about to move off from the stand-still traffic, I sensed that something wasn't right from the corner of my eye. I actually stopped my car totally. Oh My Goodness! A motor-cyclist lost control of his bike on my right. Luckily I had stopped the car even before he fell down and ended up in front of my car. I had expected something to happen before it did. I didn't give a damn that i'm blocking the whole bloody expressway up.
Thank God for that! Cause i saved his life today! If it had be any idiotic, inexperienced, blind driver, he would have been rolled over by a car. Thank God. Both from saving me from a complicated situation had i rolled over him.
Thank God i was given the pre-sight so that i would stop and also protected him from other vehicles (cause i blocked the way, no other vehicles can hit him without hitting my car first).
I did freak out for a moment thinking that people might think i was the one who caused the incident. Which was why i hesitated to help him up from the ground. Thankfully, the motor-cyclist realised how i saved his life and kept raising his hand to show me thanks/sorry whichever.
It all depends on your point of view of the event that happened today. Well, it goes like this...
It's one of those rare times I actually can't be bothered to race along the right-most lane on the expressway. I was too early for my appointment to meet Carolyn, so I idled along the middle lane at turtle-speed on the CTE towards the town.
Just as I was about to move off from the stand-still traffic, I sensed that something wasn't right from the corner of my eye. I actually stopped my car totally. Oh My Goodness! A motor-cyclist lost control of his bike on my right. Luckily I had stopped the car even before he fell down and ended up in front of my car. I had expected something to happen before it did. I didn't give a damn that i'm blocking the whole bloody expressway up.
Thank God for that! Cause i saved his life today! If it had be any idiotic, inexperienced, blind driver, he would have been rolled over by a car. Thank God. Both from saving me from a complicated situation had i rolled over him.
Thank God i was given the pre-sight so that i would stop and also protected him from other vehicles (cause i blocked the way, no other vehicles can hit him without hitting my car first).
I did freak out for a moment thinking that people might think i was the one who caused the incident. Which was why i hesitated to help him up from the ground. Thankfully, the motor-cyclist realised how i saved his life and kept raising his hand to show me thanks/sorry whichever.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I've managed...
...to live a few days without the driving. I managed to survive at home doing my own things. It's more or less a little back to normal for me. Reminds me of how i was like back when i was happily single after hugh, also after Him (the first time). It's a little like a peaceful, comfortable lifestyle.
I can officially say that i'm out of that mode i talked about, that he's-out-of-the-country mode. I'm not spending any unneccessary money (though not by choice, i'm broke). I'm enjoying reading at home and watching television programmes without feeling like i need to get out. Now the driving is more of a leisure drive, not so much of the i-want-to-get-it-out-of-my-system drive.
Guess the talk with my mom worked. Also a short sms by uncle about finances is a reminder to me too. Life is pretty much back to normal. Except for the inability to be work hard. I'm still pretty lagging in handing in work. I'm still trying to reach that momentum i had back when i was contented in my love life thus able to concentrate on work.
Call me whatever you want, i'm just thankful i'm still able to bring myself to work. I quit my job a short while after i broke up with Lester, my first love. And even gone through a lot of insignificant jobs. So it's a great deal.
I can officially say that i'm out of that mode i talked about, that he's-out-of-the-country mode. I'm not spending any unneccessary money (though not by choice, i'm broke). I'm enjoying reading at home and watching television programmes without feeling like i need to get out. Now the driving is more of a leisure drive, not so much of the i-want-to-get-it-out-of-my-system drive.
Guess the talk with my mom worked. Also a short sms by uncle about finances is a reminder to me too. Life is pretty much back to normal. Except for the inability to be work hard. I'm still pretty lagging in handing in work. I'm still trying to reach that momentum i had back when i was contented in my love life thus able to concentrate on work.
Call me whatever you want, i'm just thankful i'm still able to bring myself to work. I quit my job a short while after i broke up with Lester, my first love. And even gone through a lot of insignificant jobs. So it's a great deal.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Self Explainatory Sharing
Since i've been uploading my activities on my photo blog, i'm not going to say much about the events as looking at the photos is enough for you to get an idea what happened and where..etc.
The last time i talked to my mother about things was when i saw him on the bike at tampines. Since then i've not been able to face anybody or my parents. The more depressed i felt i less i could share with anybody. Happiness brought on a bout of saddness. To the point that i couldn't take it no more and there's no way of dealing with it. I finally confided everything to my mother yesterday morning just as i was able to get ready to meet uncle.
The talk with my mom gave me a little peace. She managed to get to the core of things. Dug straight to the point that hurt the most and that needed some airing. When i mentioned about how i don't dare to do things to make myself happy as i get even more sad after that, i started to tear. When i mentioned how he managed to overtake my grandpa's place in my heart, i lost control of my emotion and had to pause to recollect myself.
But all of that discussion made me feel so much better. My heart and mind was finally peaceful for that day. My mom gave me hope when i thought everything was hopeless and life was rather hopeless. What would i do without her? I guess in a way, i'm kinda dependent person because there's always somenoe. I think God knows that i need someone and won't be able to survive by my own means that's why i have such a mom. Thankful indeed.
The last time i talked to my mother about things was when i saw him on the bike at tampines. Since then i've not been able to face anybody or my parents. The more depressed i felt i less i could share with anybody. Happiness brought on a bout of saddness. To the point that i couldn't take it no more and there's no way of dealing with it. I finally confided everything to my mother yesterday morning just as i was able to get ready to meet uncle.
The talk with my mom gave me a little peace. She managed to get to the core of things. Dug straight to the point that hurt the most and that needed some airing. When i mentioned about how i don't dare to do things to make myself happy as i get even more sad after that, i started to tear. When i mentioned how he managed to overtake my grandpa's place in my heart, i lost control of my emotion and had to pause to recollect myself.
But all of that discussion made me feel so much better. My heart and mind was finally peaceful for that day. My mom gave me hope when i thought everything was hopeless and life was rather hopeless. What would i do without her? I guess in a way, i'm kinda dependent person because there's always somenoe. I think God knows that i need someone and won't be able to survive by my own means that's why i have such a mom. Thankful indeed.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Another Significant Point
I've kinda reached another significant point in my life. My own realisation about things. About how hard it is to find people i can click with, let alone about a bf. I've changed a little over this period of time. I've harden my heart a little and i've been less modest, more assertive about things. Simply cause i don't give a damn and i've got nothing to loose. Like i said before my skin has thicken a little. Being single somehow gave me a lot more confidence about things.
I've been reminded many times how i'm not young anymore. Also i'm not that "marketable" anymore in the dating scene. I've always been self-centred and now realised that i'm not that great lah. So that made me realised that i'm need help in that area.
I'm now more sure than ever that i needed to focus on something of more substance than just finding a mate. Even though that's the biggest hobby/interest of mine right now, i know that it's not good enough. I've thought about it and i honestly don't wish to die right now. So i need to do somethings to make life more worthy and colourful than it is right now.
Alot of times i'm still craving for his companionship. Like i said, no other can match that. But i know that since there's nothing i can change i will just have to accept it and get on with my life. Now it's not a matter of handling it. I've been trying everytime, whenever the feeling arises, to face it. Forced myself and though i'm not able to grieve about it, at least i'm facing it now. That's all thanks to pat's advice.
I've been reminded many times how i'm not young anymore. Also i'm not that "marketable" anymore in the dating scene. I've always been self-centred and now realised that i'm not that great lah. So that made me realised that i'm need help in that area.
I'm now more sure than ever that i needed to focus on something of more substance than just finding a mate. Even though that's the biggest hobby/interest of mine right now, i know that it's not good enough. I've thought about it and i honestly don't wish to die right now. So i need to do somethings to make life more worthy and colourful than it is right now.
Alot of times i'm still craving for his companionship. Like i said, no other can match that. But i know that since there's nothing i can change i will just have to accept it and get on with my life. Now it's not a matter of handling it. I've been trying everytime, whenever the feeling arises, to face it. Forced myself and though i'm not able to grieve about it, at least i'm facing it now. That's all thanks to pat's advice.
Friday, July 20, 2007
FACE IT
I've tried like mad to remind myself that it's over! But everytime that feeling would stop and my mind starts to wander away. it doesn't want to face reality! I gave myself time to grief over it today. Purposely put aside time for that. I had to try like mad to tell myself this. FACE IT! It's OVER! No more! He won't ever come back! He's never coming back! I'm not waiting for him to come back to singapore! He's in singapore and he's not ever seeing me again!
And i would fail. It's so hard to get it. So hard til i've no chance to cry over it. I'm really really in trouble.
And i would fail. It's so hard to get it. So hard til i've no chance to cry over it. I'm really really in trouble.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
BMW Day
Haha...my sister's bf finally got his new bmw320. So i've asked to drive the old BMW318 lah. Wah! Shiok ah! As good as the Honda Civic1.8 leh! So wanna take over their old car ah. But then hor installment $1000/month leh! Cannot lah! Can die! So sian lor..only can drive for a day.
i've got to drive both the BMs leh! Each has got it's own advantages lor. 320 very powerful lah gently touch the pedal hor FLY liao! But hor the transition of gears of the 318 smoother lah. Maybe also because the 318 lowered suspension hor feels good to drive lah. So once the 320 gets modified hor, will be as good.
So fun! 2 BMWs driving together! Drove all the way to town, then to west coast park then back again.. Happy gal. Made my day.. Cause i was actually feeling very down then got to drive liao happy liao... Plus i've asked my sister to arrange one day let me drive! Wah CAN LEH! Heee... so i'm gonna swoop car with her for a day.. well after all the modifications are done anyway..
But it's so tempting! Feel like take over the car lah. Same price as the new Honda Civic1.8. So sister said if want might as well get the civic cause at least it's new mah. Idea too lah. So for now aiming Civic lah.. wait til i kenna 4D or Jackpot at Genting! hee..
Too bad i didn't have the chance to take a photo of myself driving it...else hhee...e. memory lah
i've got to drive both the BMs leh! Each has got it's own advantages lor. 320 very powerful lah gently touch the pedal hor FLY liao! But hor the transition of gears of the 318 smoother lah. Maybe also because the 318 lowered suspension hor feels good to drive lah. So once the 320 gets modified hor, will be as good.
So fun! 2 BMWs driving together! Drove all the way to town, then to west coast park then back again.. Happy gal. Made my day.. Cause i was actually feeling very down then got to drive liao happy liao... Plus i've asked my sister to arrange one day let me drive! Wah CAN LEH! Heee... so i'm gonna swoop car with her for a day.. well after all the modifications are done anyway..
But it's so tempting! Feel like take over the car lah. Same price as the new Honda Civic1.8. So sister said if want might as well get the civic cause at least it's new mah. Idea too lah. So for now aiming Civic lah.. wait til i kenna 4D or Jackpot at Genting! hee..
Too bad i didn't have the chance to take a photo of myself driving it...else hhee...e. memory lah
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Ambulance..Grandpa..No More
I suddenly recalled how i mentioned to dor (infact a few times before) that i will always get emotional whenever i see an ambulance, especially when it's siren is on. My grandpa had a heart attack and we called for an ambulance. The ambulance took a long time to arrive almost 20minutes i think. I was really pissed that time (primary 5 then). Heartattack victims need to be attended to within a short period of time to up their survivor rate. So my grandpa died a few days later. I would never forget not being able to see him and we received a call in the middle of the night and i just knew he had died. i was too young to enter the ICU in Changi Hospital so i didn't get to see him for the last time.
My grandpa was the only person who loved me the most and protected me whenever i got misunderstood and in trouble. He shielded me from my mother and other aunties everytime. I loved him very much too because i know he's always on my side regardless of anything. Thus after all these years, he's always at the top of my most loved list. (btw the 2nd place is for my 1st hamster 'boyboy' - forever in my heart and never forgotten) That is also why i always teared whenever an ambulance passes by.
However i've noticed that recently i've not been like that. And i've seen a lot of ambulances with their sirens wailing away passed by me. So i finally figured out why today. It's because someone else has replaced my grandpa on my list. That person is James. I've mentioned before to him about my grandpa and how nobody can take his place. He has finally done it by pampering me so much and so giving towards me. He has surpast all the sacrifies my grandpa made. Thus earning a place above my grandpa.
That may be another reason why i'm taking such a long time to get over it. If it takes years for me to get over my grandpa, i think i will takes many more years to get over him too. That is until someone else replaces it.
My grandpa was the only person who loved me the most and protected me whenever i got misunderstood and in trouble. He shielded me from my mother and other aunties everytime. I loved him very much too because i know he's always on my side regardless of anything. Thus after all these years, he's always at the top of my most loved list. (btw the 2nd place is for my 1st hamster 'boyboy' - forever in my heart and never forgotten) That is also why i always teared whenever an ambulance passes by.
However i've noticed that recently i've not been like that. And i've seen a lot of ambulances with their sirens wailing away passed by me. So i finally figured out why today. It's because someone else has replaced my grandpa on my list. That person is James. I've mentioned before to him about my grandpa and how nobody can take his place. He has finally done it by pampering me so much and so giving towards me. He has surpast all the sacrifies my grandpa made. Thus earning a place above my grandpa.
That may be another reason why i'm taking such a long time to get over it. If it takes years for me to get over my grandpa, i think i will takes many more years to get over him too. That is until someone else replaces it.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Shape Run 2007 - CLOSED Registration
haha.. just happened to click on the link and found out they're full house already.
So, very sorry friends who are interested. Cannot run with you liao.
Anyway, I've been running my sgn garden route again. So guess that makes up my training for the event. Accidental training.
So, very sorry friends who are interested. Cannot run with you liao.
Anyway, I've been running my sgn garden route again. So guess that makes up my training for the event. Accidental training.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!
Another driving trip now that my car is finally back. I was just craving for it so much since yesterday. I got into such a bad depression that's why the off-track jog yesterday. This time i drove for more than 2 hours non-stop. Went onto PIE towards changi airport, ECP, the road behind Changi Airport again, headed towards East Coast Park, Marina South, Telok Blangah towards Pioneer Road, Jurong, PIE and finally stopped at Mustaffa. The reason i stopped? No where to drive liao and i've not had enough and i needed people around me. Also needed to buy beer. Only to find that muslim shopping mall no beer lah.
I miss him so much so much. I drove past West Coast Park where we went for Ah Hua's BD BBQ celebration. Teared when i recalled the wonderful memories with him. Drove past his rental place in Jurong and teared again remembering how i used to drive all the way there to meet him and fetch him back & fro from to his hougang home. Went to our regular shopping place, Mustaffa, which was the only place open at night as i've things to do every weekday past 9pm.
I couldn't help recalling how he proposed to me in Feburuary when he came back from his first Penang project. He bought me so many things and finally the ring. I couldn't help recall he just bought me a pair of shoes that i wanted from Penang in April. I also couldn't help recall how he cried when i threatened to leave him that morning when he was about to leave for Penang in May. That was also the LAST time i saw him... EVER again....
He was so sad and couldn't bear me to leave. He cried so sadly, so heart-broken. A man actually cried with such pain in his eyes, so much pain. Men don't cry and he does not, yet he cried so badly. It must mean something right? This is the worst i've seen him cried. He couldn't bear to let go of me. He showed me that day how much i mean to him, how important i am to him. He gave me so assurance that day. I decided to give in and accept that he really love me so much. He's for real and that's he's here for the long run. Yet how did it all ended up this way? WHY?? I still can't comprehend. I still can't accept it. I'm so so so so .... SO HURT.
I wanted so much to ask him. I really really want to find out why. I really really want to know how do you go from loving a person so much to wanting to get rid of a person. How do you do that to a person? What made you do that to a person you love? How do you switch so quickly? Why is it like that?? WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? It HURTS so much so much. I can't take it. I really can't take it. I want him back. Yet i know it's all gone and it's hopeless. There's no point.
Last Saturday, I thought i saw him going into 7-11 at hougang. I wanted so much to see if it's really him. Yet i just know somehow there's no point. What can i do? What can i say? NOTHING! Then what's the point in finding out? No point. Yet its so hurting. There's nothing, nothing i can do about it. I'm hurt beyond hurt. I've cried til i've no tears. I'm so frustrated and i just want to die. There's simply no point in living anymore. No point. My heart is so broken. Broken into so many pieces that i don't know how to pick it up again.
Nobody can replace him. Nobody can ever live up to him. Nobody can ever do all the things that he's done. Nobody can ever understand and comfort me like he did. Nobody can ever give me the joy i experienced when i was with him. Nobody can ever, ever make me as happy as i was with him. Nobody can ever love me as much as he did.
Money can't comfort me. Money can't buy me happiness. I've bought all the things i need and all the things that i don't need. Yet it didn't make me happy at all. I can imagine myself buying the Honda Civic and yet feel no happiness at all. I can imagine myself buying a dog and yet i will not be happy. I can go out with friends and do all the wild things again. Yet i know i will not be happy. Infact all those things will make me even more sad. Sad that he's not here to experience it with me. Sad that no matter what i do, there's no happiness if he's not here with me.
I miss him so much so much. I drove past West Coast Park where we went for Ah Hua's BD BBQ celebration. Teared when i recalled the wonderful memories with him. Drove past his rental place in Jurong and teared again remembering how i used to drive all the way there to meet him and fetch him back & fro from to his hougang home. Went to our regular shopping place, Mustaffa, which was the only place open at night as i've things to do every weekday past 9pm.
I couldn't help recalling how he proposed to me in Feburuary when he came back from his first Penang project. He bought me so many things and finally the ring. I couldn't help recall he just bought me a pair of shoes that i wanted from Penang in April. I also couldn't help recall how he cried when i threatened to leave him that morning when he was about to leave for Penang in May. That was also the LAST time i saw him... EVER again....
He was so sad and couldn't bear me to leave. He cried so sadly, so heart-broken. A man actually cried with such pain in his eyes, so much pain. Men don't cry and he does not, yet he cried so badly. It must mean something right? This is the worst i've seen him cried. He couldn't bear to let go of me. He showed me that day how much i mean to him, how important i am to him. He gave me so assurance that day. I decided to give in and accept that he really love me so much. He's for real and that's he's here for the long run. Yet how did it all ended up this way? WHY?? I still can't comprehend. I still can't accept it. I'm so so so so .... SO HURT.
I wanted so much to ask him. I really really want to find out why. I really really want to know how do you go from loving a person so much to wanting to get rid of a person. How do you do that to a person? What made you do that to a person you love? How do you switch so quickly? Why is it like that?? WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? It HURTS so much so much. I can't take it. I really can't take it. I want him back. Yet i know it's all gone and it's hopeless. There's no point.
Last Saturday, I thought i saw him going into 7-11 at hougang. I wanted so much to see if it's really him. Yet i just know somehow there's no point. What can i do? What can i say? NOTHING! Then what's the point in finding out? No point. Yet its so hurting. There's nothing, nothing i can do about it. I'm hurt beyond hurt. I've cried til i've no tears. I'm so frustrated and i just want to die. There's simply no point in living anymore. No point. My heart is so broken. Broken into so many pieces that i don't know how to pick it up again.
Nobody can replace him. Nobody can ever live up to him. Nobody can ever do all the things that he's done. Nobody can ever understand and comfort me like he did. Nobody can ever give me the joy i experienced when i was with him. Nobody can ever, ever make me as happy as i was with him. Nobody can ever love me as much as he did.
Money can't comfort me. Money can't buy me happiness. I've bought all the things i need and all the things that i don't need. Yet it didn't make me happy at all. I can imagine myself buying the Honda Civic and yet feel no happiness at all. I can imagine myself buying a dog and yet i will not be happy. I can go out with friends and do all the wild things again. Yet i know i will not be happy. Infact all those things will make me even more sad. Sad that he's not here to experience it with me. Sad that no matter what i do, there's no happiness if he's not here with me.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Car Woes
Sent my car in for servicing yesterday morning. Couldn't get it back cause of some repairs required. My front brake pads needed to be changed and my bumper had to be fixed. For safety reasons, i can't postpone the change of brake pads so $240+ spent on that. Servicing at 40,000km costs $410+. Bumper clips were fixed and changed for about $70+. They suggested that i change my whole rear bumper coz some of the clips were broken and can't be fixed back. $800+ leh! So bloody expensive! Of course i chose not to do that lah. So i worried lah, sms a few people and now i've got a few lobang for changing my bumper.
How did that happen leh? Either i suai kenna this kerb that was too high up or that my passengers were too heavy and the car drooped lower. Whichever, that tore down my bumper. Damn jialat. I've parked at the same carpark before many times and never kenna.
It looks as good as before the incident but then i know that it's unstable lah. If the bumper kenna any injury ever again, i will have no choice but to replace it. So for now, i've decided to wait and see lah. Worse come to worse then i change lah.
However, the whole experience of getting my car back was terrible. First of all when i left my home to get the car, i got this feeling i might have overspent a little. So true ah, went there to find out my card got declined. Of course, they don't have the policy of post payment. So i had to pay to get the car!!! I've already spent $5 taking cab there and had to spend another $5 taking cab back home. After i've done the on-line payment, I made my way there again.
Unfortunately, it was noon and almost impossible to get a cab. So when i finally saw one, i was so happy even though it was a red cab! Should've known better lah. Their reputation i meant. I've always known the smaller fleet of cabbies are rejects from the two main companies (wait have they combined forces as well?), Comfort and City cabs. After i've finished smsing some people, i look up to realise the cab had gone to Yio Chu Kang Road!
So i said, "Aiyo! Uncle, there's a shorter and faster way by Paya Lebar Road leh!" He said hor, "no lah! Go by Eunos Road mah!" Yah lah, even if so, there's a shorter way lah! He's taking a much longer road to get to Ubi! Sian. Already late for school and wondering how to make it there on time and this happens. Then after it's gone onto Hougang Ave 8 that side hor then he asked me, "HOW??" Wahlau! Already here liao of course go straight via Eunos Road to Ubi lah! Still need to ask me meh? then what? go back & start over again meh? Xiao!
Luckily he realise later on and said to charge me the usual amount. But then i told him forget it lah only $1 difference. It's his attitude lor. He was so bad tempered after my first comment. Anyway being a taxi-driver's daughter i know he still burned petrol regardless of if he's right or wrong, so i decided $1 is okay lah. If it's many $$ then another story.
Luckily got back to school on time. (Though i've missed 2 meetings which started at noon)
How did that happen leh? Either i suai kenna this kerb that was too high up or that my passengers were too heavy and the car drooped lower. Whichever, that tore down my bumper. Damn jialat. I've parked at the same carpark before many times and never kenna.
It looks as good as before the incident but then i know that it's unstable lah. If the bumper kenna any injury ever again, i will have no choice but to replace it. So for now, i've decided to wait and see lah. Worse come to worse then i change lah.
However, the whole experience of getting my car back was terrible. First of all when i left my home to get the car, i got this feeling i might have overspent a little. So true ah, went there to find out my card got declined. Of course, they don't have the policy of post payment. So i had to pay to get the car!!! I've already spent $5 taking cab there and had to spend another $5 taking cab back home. After i've done the on-line payment, I made my way there again.
Unfortunately, it was noon and almost impossible to get a cab. So when i finally saw one, i was so happy even though it was a red cab! Should've known better lah. Their reputation i meant. I've always known the smaller fleet of cabbies are rejects from the two main companies (wait have they combined forces as well?), Comfort and City cabs. After i've finished smsing some people, i look up to realise the cab had gone to Yio Chu Kang Road!
So i said, "Aiyo! Uncle, there's a shorter and faster way by Paya Lebar Road leh!" He said hor, "no lah! Go by Eunos Road mah!" Yah lah, even if so, there's a shorter way lah! He's taking a much longer road to get to Ubi! Sian. Already late for school and wondering how to make it there on time and this happens. Then after it's gone onto Hougang Ave 8 that side hor then he asked me, "HOW??" Wahlau! Already here liao of course go straight via Eunos Road to Ubi lah! Still need to ask me meh? then what? go back & start over again meh? Xiao!
Luckily he realise later on and said to charge me the usual amount. But then i told him forget it lah only $1 difference. It's his attitude lor. He was so bad tempered after my first comment. Anyway being a taxi-driver's daughter i know he still burned petrol regardless of if he's right or wrong, so i decided $1 is okay lah. If it's many $$ then another story.
Luckily got back to school on time. (Though i've missed 2 meetings which started at noon)
Monday, July 09, 2007
Somemore Firsts...
First No 1: The Dog Hash or DASH 070707
My first ever doggie run! This time round it was at the Springleaf Avenue Playground. It was so damn cool to see all the dogs gathering. Even more COOL is when all the dogs dashed off!! "On-on" is the call when we're on the right track! Is it my imagination or did the dogs respond to that and ran even faster! Wow! You get to go through a 'virgin trail' which is a untouched part of the mini forest. Got a few scratches on my legs and had to do a lot of pushing (of branches and twigs) to avoid getting injury to my face. Lesson learnt here - wear things to cover legs, like long socks!
I even had to climb up a really steep and tall slope. It rained that morning so the ground was slippery and muddy!! Eeks?! No! I totally enjoyed the thrill of it! I even didn't mind the yucky insects and other things that i would usually freak out about! I just enjoyed the company of the dogs. Aiyo! They're so cute! They were squeezing past me alot of time and i had to try to avoid kicking them a lot of times. So adorable! At the end of it all, i had to throw away my old shoes, socks and handkerchief because they were all mud marinated. hiak! Learnt to wear unwanted shoes, socks and towel next time!
First No 2: Archdiocese Youth Day 070707
After finishing the DASH, rushed home to shower and finally after going round in circles, the Lord showed me the path to Singapore Expo for the event. Already said Youth! I first thing think of Youngsters lah! Teenagers lah! Really ah! Go there maciam cult like that! All wearing the same black T-shirt! I felt so out of place liao lor (coz i wasn't wearing the same shirt). I noticed all young people leh! SO BLOODY YOUNG! Wahkao! Now really really out of place! But then they show love for God so openly! Screaming their love for God and jumping about so freely and running crazy (maciam on drugs) onto the main floor to dance and jump somemore! Wow i'm impressed with that generation. Wait a minute, were we crazy too back when we were of that age? Well..maybe not. Anyway, another reminder of my age, AGAIN!
First No 3: Off-track Jogging Session 090707
Ever since the dog run, i've been really brave and not afraid of stepping into any ground in Singapore. I've have lots of energy and can't wait to jog or run through challenging terrains. I left my car at Toyota for repair and instead of grabbing the nearest cab, i walked to Honda showroom (excuse/inspiration for walking). The short distance seemed so easy! (well, didn't get my brochure, they said they're out of that, Blah!) So since i can't possibly walk to school from Ubi (and i didn't know what buses to take, coz out of touch for so long), i had no choice but to take a cab.
So this evening , just as i about to sink into my depression, i decided, "Hey! Why not recreate that same good feeling i felt from the dog run?" So?? I dashed out of my home and headed straight to the road! I didn't even think through the path i was going to take. I just walked and somehow, started jogging and made my way to sgn gardens and back home. Well, i know, it's not really that far. I was tempted to go uncle's place or amk hub to meet my parents but then i decided not to be too ambitious. Nevertheless, i'm proud of myself! I even chose to run on the rougher ground!
My Resolutions??
I want to experience many more firsts in my life. I want to experience all the things i've missed out just because i was depending too much on my comfort zone and too scared to try. I'm going to make up for all the lost time. I think i've gained enough epidemis layer(read: skin/face) over the years, to try new things.
I'm even planning to start to go for SDS events once i've quit a certain bad habit of mine and am ready to start a new relationship.
My first ever doggie run! This time round it was at the Springleaf Avenue Playground. It was so damn cool to see all the dogs gathering. Even more COOL is when all the dogs dashed off!! "On-on" is the call when we're on the right track! Is it my imagination or did the dogs respond to that and ran even faster! Wow! You get to go through a 'virgin trail' which is a untouched part of the mini forest. Got a few scratches on my legs and had to do a lot of pushing (of branches and twigs) to avoid getting injury to my face. Lesson learnt here - wear things to cover legs, like long socks!
I even had to climb up a really steep and tall slope. It rained that morning so the ground was slippery and muddy!! Eeks?! No! I totally enjoyed the thrill of it! I even didn't mind the yucky insects and other things that i would usually freak out about! I just enjoyed the company of the dogs. Aiyo! They're so cute! They were squeezing past me alot of time and i had to try to avoid kicking them a lot of times. So adorable! At the end of it all, i had to throw away my old shoes, socks and handkerchief because they were all mud marinated. hiak! Learnt to wear unwanted shoes, socks and towel next time!
First No 2: Archdiocese Youth Day 070707
After finishing the DASH, rushed home to shower and finally after going round in circles, the Lord showed me the path to Singapore Expo for the event. Already said Youth! I first thing think of Youngsters lah! Teenagers lah! Really ah! Go there maciam cult like that! All wearing the same black T-shirt! I felt so out of place liao lor (coz i wasn't wearing the same shirt). I noticed all young people leh! SO BLOODY YOUNG! Wahkao! Now really really out of place! But then they show love for God so openly! Screaming their love for God and jumping about so freely and running crazy (maciam on drugs) onto the main floor to dance and jump somemore! Wow i'm impressed with that generation. Wait a minute, were we crazy too back when we were of that age? Well..maybe not. Anyway, another reminder of my age, AGAIN!
First No 3: Off-track Jogging Session 090707
Ever since the dog run, i've been really brave and not afraid of stepping into any ground in Singapore. I've have lots of energy and can't wait to jog or run through challenging terrains. I left my car at Toyota for repair and instead of grabbing the nearest cab, i walked to Honda showroom (excuse/inspiration for walking). The short distance seemed so easy! (well, didn't get my brochure, they said they're out of that, Blah!) So since i can't possibly walk to school from Ubi (and i didn't know what buses to take, coz out of touch for so long), i had no choice but to take a cab.
So this evening , just as i about to sink into my depression, i decided, "Hey! Why not recreate that same good feeling i felt from the dog run?" So?? I dashed out of my home and headed straight to the road! I didn't even think through the path i was going to take. I just walked and somehow, started jogging and made my way to sgn gardens and back home. Well, i know, it's not really that far. I was tempted to go uncle's place or amk hub to meet my parents but then i decided not to be too ambitious. Nevertheless, i'm proud of myself! I even chose to run on the rougher ground!
My Resolutions??
I want to experience many more firsts in my life. I want to experience all the things i've missed out just because i was depending too much on my comfort zone and too scared to try. I'm going to make up for all the lost time. I think i've gained enough epidemis layer(read: skin/face) over the years, to try new things.
I'm even planning to start to go for SDS events once i've quit a certain bad habit of mine and am ready to start a new relationship.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Blasted Memory Problems
As i was reading the latest entry on my own blog (which is the previous one), i sort of figure what could possibly be happening to me. It's more of a mental problem that caused the physical one.
Well, i told dor sometime ago, how i dreamt of him, she said those are the good memories which i want to keep. I replied that it's not. It's those memories that hurts and i want to forget them.
Keyword is forget. I've had this mechanism in me ever since my first relationship, where i slowly deleted the memories from my brain, bit by bit. All because it hurts too much remember, i chose to forget. Somehow i've been successful. How successful? That i can't remember clearly the relationships, they're all a blur and i've even mixed up a few memories. I've even problem remembering daily things which has sort of affected my career a few years back.
I think somehow now, my brain is doing the erasing thing again. This time it has chosen to erase that period when we broke up too. Such that i have a hard time remembering. I mean if you ask me, i can think real hard, and slowly the bits and pieces will come together. But just now when i was reading the previous entry, i simply couldn't remember about the breakup. I had to reread those blog entries to recall the events.
That explains why i've not been facing up to reality, cause my mind is living in a world of its own and in that world, all the bad things (the breakup, actions) didn't happen.
Well, i told dor sometime ago, how i dreamt of him, she said those are the good memories which i want to keep. I replied that it's not. It's those memories that hurts and i want to forget them.
Keyword is forget. I've had this mechanism in me ever since my first relationship, where i slowly deleted the memories from my brain, bit by bit. All because it hurts too much remember, i chose to forget. Somehow i've been successful. How successful? That i can't remember clearly the relationships, they're all a blur and i've even mixed up a few memories. I've even problem remembering daily things which has sort of affected my career a few years back.
I think somehow now, my brain is doing the erasing thing again. This time it has chosen to erase that period when we broke up too. Such that i have a hard time remembering. I mean if you ask me, i can think real hard, and slowly the bits and pieces will come together. But just now when i was reading the previous entry, i simply couldn't remember about the breakup. I had to reread those blog entries to recall the events.
That explains why i've not been facing up to reality, cause my mind is living in a world of its own and in that world, all the bad things (the breakup, actions) didn't happen.
What is happening to me?
I really wonder. I was just nuah-ing as usual, watching cable drama and enjoying it cause finally i don't have to wake up at an unearthly hour again (which is what i've been for the past week and will be for the next week, including next saturday). Then my routine kicked in, i just lazily reached for my handphone, thinking if he's called me yet and if i've got a sms from him.
FREAKY! It's been more than a month and i'm still stuck in this mode!!!
What mode? It's the "he's overseas" mode. Having endured endless periods of him going overseas for work, i've sort of became two person. One when he's around, another when he's not. I'm the latter one right now. It's both a blessing and a curse. Why?
Blessing first. I'm used to not having him around, so i'm can withstand his absence. That 'skill' came in handy during the initiate few weeks.
Curse? I realised why i'm like okay most of the times. It's because i'm still in that "he's overseas" state where i know he will be back, he still cares about me, he's just gone for a moment, he will contact me soon. I can't get out of it. I only feel sad at times when things reminded me that IT'S OVER!
Conclusion: I'm not going through a normal breakup routine and it's taking longer than ever to get over it because it's been on hold all these while.
Solution: Need to remind myself more often, even if i have to suffer, so that i can get it out of my system.
I really need serious help this time. And at the moment, no one can help me at all. Whatever ways or methods are not working with me right now.
FREAKY! It's been more than a month and i'm still stuck in this mode!!!
What mode? It's the "he's overseas" mode. Having endured endless periods of him going overseas for work, i've sort of became two person. One when he's around, another when he's not. I'm the latter one right now. It's both a blessing and a curse. Why?
Blessing first. I'm used to not having him around, so i'm can withstand his absence. That 'skill' came in handy during the initiate few weeks.
Curse? I realised why i'm like okay most of the times. It's because i'm still in that "he's overseas" state where i know he will be back, he still cares about me, he's just gone for a moment, he will contact me soon. I can't get out of it. I only feel sad at times when things reminded me that IT'S OVER!
Conclusion: I'm not going through a normal breakup routine and it's taking longer than ever to get over it because it's been on hold all these while.
Solution: Need to remind myself more often, even if i have to suffer, so that i can get it out of my system.
I really need serious help this time. And at the moment, no one can help me at all. Whatever ways or methods are not working with me right now.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Petrol Credit Overlimit
Yah i forgot to mention one more thing that shocked me! My shell petrol credit card! Can you image that i drove so much and my car ate up so much petrol that i actually hit the limit! Wah! Die ah! How to pay for it! It's gonna be deducted from my account.. sob..
So paiseh, cashier tried a few times and it said card declined then found out overlimit. Luckily i have my handy credit card. Now i have to worry about my credit card going over credit limit. Phiew, fortunately bonus is coming soon. At least i can cover the basic to prevent the banks from calling me for payments hee..
So paiseh, cashier tried a few times and it said card declined then found out overlimit. Luckily i have my handy credit card. Now i have to worry about my credit card going over credit limit. Phiew, fortunately bonus is coming soon. At least i can cover the basic to prevent the banks from calling me for payments hee..
My Confirmation at IHM
I'm now a confirmed catholic haha.. No lah, it actually means i'm an 'matured' catholic. Suppose to be more involved and responsible in my action and contribution to the catholic community. Expected to have the knowledge and carry myself off as a regular catholic. No longer a newbie. Well, that was fast right? I was only baptised three months ago. And now? Must know everything. hee..
Ber even asked me what's my next step. It's been on my mind all these while. Tried my hand at helping the charismatic group at Risen Christ but it just didn't work out. Thought of being a sunday school catechist. Well, natural choice cause i'm a teacher. Of course can't because i'm a newbie and not spirit-filled enough to fit that role. Then since i love to go karoke so much, why not Choir? Told the lot of them (Dor, Uncle and Ber) that i'm a little afraid of joining choir.
Why? Well, it goes like this. My church, SFX, tends to rotate the choir member singing the responsorial palsm. I've got stage fright, especially when it's singing. Then ber shared with me how her church (IHM - She just happened to be there for my confirmation mass) doesn't have the same practice as mine. Only the better singers get to do that. Phiew. So i happily asked to join lah since she was asked by her cousin to join the Choir.
Bibi was the one who sms dor, then we guessed bibi and ber were around somewhere. They went back to eat dinner while the three of us (dor, uncle and me) headed to fisherman village for a simple celebration. Ber caught up with us a little later. We already had our dinner at dor's place cause my god-grandma cooked for us. 2 veges, 1 fish, cola-chicken and egg with long beans! Delicious! Too bad my "ku cai neng" wasn't available. Nevertheless I enjoyed the food!
Go look at the photos at my photo blog: http://auntyalbum.blogspot.com/
We were joking while waiting for my turn at the aisle of the church. Then after i was sealed with the gift of the holy spirit, we gossiped a little while waiting. Very bad right? Think Theresa ,my RCIA Catechist, would lecture us for sure if she had the chance. Suppose to keep a sacred silence for the whole time to reflect. That's what she will say lah. Maybe i can become one ah. I already know what's wrong liao haha..
Another happening thing was during the part where we sing the "Our Father". i've been so used to just raising my hands that i didn't see the need to do so lah. Then dor was like waiting and hinting me to hold her hand lah. So i reluntantly did so. Then she nudge me toward the guy on my right. Apprently the poor fellow has been offering his hand for some time and silly me didn't realise. You know what he did when i realised? He grabbed my hand. He's not shy at all lor. Haha...
Ber hor horrible leh. When she first asked me what's my next step, she said Holy Matrimony? Wah not a single available guy around me, ask about marriage a bit shocking right? then after i mentioned about the guy above hor. She asked me which church he goes to. Of cause, i don't recall. She wanted me to go to his church and 'bio' (spy on) him leh! Wah she's so naughty xia! When they asked me for his name, i also didn't remember. But now i do, think it's roger.
They ah putting ideas in my mind ah. Dor said he's very prayerful and like a nice guy lor. I said don't like cause the first time i saw him, we already had slight disagreement liao. Imagine, first time meet a stranger, chitchat only can argue leh. No good right? Both so stubborn one. Die lah. Sure argue like mad. After reflecting, i though actually he seems like hubby-material. Should be driving a car cause he comes all the way from somewhere (got baptised long ago and shifted place), always dress prim and proper, wears glasses (hee..), a loner like me (cause never seen him bring anybody before), unmarried like me (and should be available like me too - cause no gf in sight) and has proper manners.
I've already concluded with uncle the previous time we went fisherman village that we are both 'fan jian' (horrid) cause we are just not interested in those goody-two-shoes people, we want only those charismatic people who are only good as lovers not long-term partners. So in a way we're asking for the sufferings we go through. So guess why i wasn't even considering that guy was cause he's hubby-material. But then again, i think i need someone whom i don't care about. Only then i will not be so 'sticky' and care so much for him til i lose myself and eventually lose him. Also, my eyes will be wide-opened to see things clearly and not be cheated again.
Like i said, i'm not ready yet. So i leave it to God to decided if it's time for me to start or not. Hey i have the holy spirit in me now! Celebrate and pray for gifts from the holy spirit! Gift of tongue and Gift of prophecy, come to me now! :)
Ber even asked me what's my next step. It's been on my mind all these while. Tried my hand at helping the charismatic group at Risen Christ but it just didn't work out. Thought of being a sunday school catechist. Well, natural choice cause i'm a teacher. Of course can't because i'm a newbie and not spirit-filled enough to fit that role. Then since i love to go karoke so much, why not Choir? Told the lot of them (Dor, Uncle and Ber) that i'm a little afraid of joining choir.
Why? Well, it goes like this. My church, SFX, tends to rotate the choir member singing the responsorial palsm. I've got stage fright, especially when it's singing. Then ber shared with me how her church (IHM - She just happened to be there for my confirmation mass) doesn't have the same practice as mine. Only the better singers get to do that. Phiew. So i happily asked to join lah since she was asked by her cousin to join the Choir.
Bibi was the one who sms dor, then we guessed bibi and ber were around somewhere. They went back to eat dinner while the three of us (dor, uncle and me) headed to fisherman village for a simple celebration. Ber caught up with us a little later. We already had our dinner at dor's place cause my god-grandma cooked for us. 2 veges, 1 fish, cola-chicken and egg with long beans! Delicious! Too bad my "ku cai neng" wasn't available. Nevertheless I enjoyed the food!
Go look at the photos at my photo blog: http://auntyalbum.blogspot.com/
We were joking while waiting for my turn at the aisle of the church. Then after i was sealed with the gift of the holy spirit, we gossiped a little while waiting. Very bad right? Think Theresa ,my RCIA Catechist, would lecture us for sure if she had the chance. Suppose to keep a sacred silence for the whole time to reflect. That's what she will say lah. Maybe i can become one ah. I already know what's wrong liao haha..
Another happening thing was during the part where we sing the "Our Father". i've been so used to just raising my hands that i didn't see the need to do so lah. Then dor was like waiting and hinting me to hold her hand lah. So i reluntantly did so. Then she nudge me toward the guy on my right. Apprently the poor fellow has been offering his hand for some time and silly me didn't realise. You know what he did when i realised? He grabbed my hand. He's not shy at all lor. Haha...
Ber hor horrible leh. When she first asked me what's my next step, she said Holy Matrimony? Wah not a single available guy around me, ask about marriage a bit shocking right? then after i mentioned about the guy above hor. She asked me which church he goes to. Of cause, i don't recall. She wanted me to go to his church and 'bio' (spy on) him leh! Wah she's so naughty xia! When they asked me for his name, i also didn't remember. But now i do, think it's roger.
They ah putting ideas in my mind ah. Dor said he's very prayerful and like a nice guy lor. I said don't like cause the first time i saw him, we already had slight disagreement liao. Imagine, first time meet a stranger, chitchat only can argue leh. No good right? Both so stubborn one. Die lah. Sure argue like mad. After reflecting, i though actually he seems like hubby-material. Should be driving a car cause he comes all the way from somewhere (got baptised long ago and shifted place), always dress prim and proper, wears glasses (hee..), a loner like me (cause never seen him bring anybody before), unmarried like me (and should be available like me too - cause no gf in sight) and has proper manners.
I've already concluded with uncle the previous time we went fisherman village that we are both 'fan jian' (horrid) cause we are just not interested in those goody-two-shoes people, we want only those charismatic people who are only good as lovers not long-term partners. So in a way we're asking for the sufferings we go through. So guess why i wasn't even considering that guy was cause he's hubby-material. But then again, i think i need someone whom i don't care about. Only then i will not be so 'sticky' and care so much for him til i lose myself and eventually lose him. Also, my eyes will be wide-opened to see things clearly and not be cheated again.
Like i said, i'm not ready yet. So i leave it to God to decided if it's time for me to start or not. Hey i have the holy spirit in me now! Celebrate and pray for gifts from the holy spirit! Gift of tongue and Gift of prophecy, come to me now! :)